Setting boundaries is difficult but so important! In episode 7 of the Parent Project Podcast, Kate Nash and other parents and grandparents share how boundaries can bring our families closer and how healthy boundaries can lead to deeper relationships.
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
Setting and reinforcing boundaries (consistency is key here) is an important way to keep relationships within families healthy. Boundaries are the limits we set with or for people. Children need clear boundaries. Their developing lives require a sense of order and without this, their worlds would simply be too overwhelming. Boundaries give them a framework to grow into confident (young) adults.
Every family has a different set of boundaries. And setting boundaries for young kids is very different from the ones you set for your teenagers. That’s what podcast host Kate Nash found out with her daughter. “It is easier to tell a three-year-old that she can’t eat pebbles at the beach, than a thirteen-year-old that she can’t have a cell phone”, she says. “Both are non-negotiable for me, as I want to keep her safe, physically and mentally. When they’re young, they will have a temper tantrum, but when they are older, they will try to negotiate. Having boundaries is sometimes hard and can cause stress, but I hope she will understand when she’s an adult.”
Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to your kids, or do you think you say ‘no’ too often? You’re not alone!
Listen to episode 7 here (or in your favourite podcast app)
For each episode of the Parent Project Podcast, host Kate Nash curated games, activities, resources, reflections and family practices to use, listen to, and do at home.
Game
As a family, read through some offered scenarios below or take a few moments to create your own. After each scenario, have a discussion about what you would do or what your boundary would be.
Sample scenario: This family is made up of 5 members, two parents and three teenagers. At this point, everyone has a cell phone. The parents want the kids to have some time away from their phones and ask that all phones get put in the kitchen at 10pm every night. Is this a fair boundary?
Sample scenario: This family has two kids who each have their own room. The younger sibling always wants to go into their older siblings’ room. The older sibling does not want to be barged in on. The mom decides that everyone will knock on the door of the room they wish to visit and wait to be welcomed in before entering. Is this a fair boundary?
Sample scenario: In this family, a parent regularly reads their teenage child’s private messages and emails without the child’s knowledge or consent. The parent justifies this behavior by saying it’s necessary to keep the child safe. Is this a fair boundary?
Sample scenario: In this family, there is a dad and a son. The son wants to be a vegetarian and does not want to eat meat in his lunches anymore. The dad says that he will buy vegetarian food if the son will make his own lunch. Is this a fair boundary?
Sample scenario: In this family, there’s a mother and a teenage daughter. The mother is very affectionate and expresses love through physical touch, particularly hugging. The daughter, however, is not comfortable with frequent physical contact and prefers other forms of affection. Despite the daughter repeatedly expressing her discomfort with hugging, the mother continues insisting on hugs, saying things like, “But I’m your mom”. Is this a fair boundary?
Activity
Answer the questions asked in the podcast for yourself and listen to what other parents say.
What are the clear boundaries you have in your home?
What are the boundaries that keep getting crossed? Why do you think this happens? What could help?
What are the societal pressures that affect the boundaries in your home?
How does this affect your ability to maintain boundaries within your home?
What are some tools that you have for creating clear boundaries for everyone?
Watch:
Let’s Talk About Boundaries
