Wendy Kaye retired on Salt Spring Island 23 years ago, but has lived in Courtenay for the past three years to be closer to her daughter’s family. Now that her grandchildren are a bit older and have their own lives, she will move back to the island next month. Wendy was a donor before our organization changed its name from SWOVA to The Circle Education, but became more involved in 2020.  She supports The Circle with a yearly donation and has also made a small bequest as part of her estate planning.

Rory Holland, who is now retired, was an entrepreneur throughout his working life. He moved from Bowen Island to Salt Spring, has three adult sons, and has been working with youth as a volunteer since he was twenty, striving to be a trusted person to youth, someone whom they can talk to besides their parents. Rory has been a supporter of The Circle Education since 2024. 

What inspired you to donate to The Circle Education?   

Wendy: “I know there are many non-profit societies on Salt Spring Island, but The Circle Education stood out for me. I have a strong interest in children and youth, and their development, and I love to support young people. I believe that the ability of our young to communicate with each other, collaborate, make healthy choices, play fair and respect others can lead to a better world. For them, and for us!

Rory: “When I moved to Salt Spring Island, I heard people talking about the Pass it On program. I was curious and wanted to hear more about it, so I called executive director Janine Fernandes-Hayden. When she told me about the programs The Circle offers to the island, I wanted to support that. The idea that there is a proactive program that encourages kids to be themselves and that builds compassion and empathy and positively impacts the way young people choose to engage with themselves and with the world. What is a better thing to invest in?”

What matters most to you about our work?

Wendy: “To me, the most important aspect of the work starts with The Circle Education’s ability to attract and train excellent facilitators. That’s where it all begins, really. Their leadership and mentorship are the cornerstones of the program. I love the range of subject matter they provide in such an integrative way.”

Rory:  “I support two organizations on the island: IWAV and The Circle Education, and at first I didn’t know they were connected in the past. It was coincidental. When you talk about gender-based violence, we often think of what women can do to protect themselves, but it is important that we focus on boys as well. Telling them that they can’t be angry or violent won’t solve anything. Working with them on their own sense of self in connection to others, and talking about other ways to express themselves, ways that do not include harming others, or harming women, does work. I love the idea of the tomato fight the participants of Pass it On boys had at Bullock Lake farm, and them talking about anger afterwards. That just gives me the chills; it is so perfect.”

Why is the work The Circle Education does urgent and important right now?

Wendy: “We all know that online negative influences directed toward young people are growing exponentially. The news they absorb in the media makes the world seem a scary place. There are lots of questions for pre-teens and teens to grapple with. What better place for kids to have than a setting with their peers where they feel safe and where they can talk and practice new skills with trained facilitators?”

Rory: “Social-emotional education really should be at the forefront right now. Kids these days are facing much greater challenges than when I was young. Just the impact of mobile phones, social media and the influencers they find online. That is kind of scary. It is healthy to have positive real-life role models. I am so impressed with the facilitators of the boys’ program whom I met in the past years. They are hard-working good men who are young enough to connect and engage with the younger generation.”

Do you have a memory or a story about our organization that really stands out to you?

Rory: “I got invited to the Pass it On Boys intergenerational session, where older community members and parents came to talk with the participants and share perspectives. As a parent, you don’t often get the chance to hear the kids talk the way they did during that session. I was just listening as a random adult and I was learning things about myself as well. It was just a remarkable afternoon. When I got home, I just couldn’t stop talking about it. Not every kid slides through high school, and as a parent it is so comforting to know that your child has a place where they have people and peers to talk to.”

What would you say to others who might be considering a gift of their own?

Wendy: “These special times and stabilizing core values together will impact the lives of our youth in so many ways, enabling them to make their way in every aspect of their interpersonal relationships as they head out into the wider world. Especially with parents so busy in their work lives and teachers overburdened in the classroom, we are very fortunate that Circle Education Society provides such a well-rounded, experiential program in our community. I wish that my teenage grandchildren, living in other parts of British Columbia, could have access to a program like this.”

Rory: “I would tell them that this is a program that builds our community. It is not an add-on; it is not nice-to-have. It’s a need. We are talking about the social fabric, the social structure of our island, making sure kids are not falling through the cracks. We want them to have adequate support, and that they’re building positive networks as they’re making their way through school. I hated every day of school, from day one up to Grade 12. It can be a hard place to be if you do not fit in. And teachers already have way too much work, so we should be grateful for an organization that is willing to come in. It should be funded by the province, 100 percent, but as we know, that isn’t the fact; we should find ways as a community to support it.”

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

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Sparkfest originated in 2011 when Kate Nash, now program manager for The Circle Education, was in her first year working as a facilitator for SWOVA. In second semester, she was asked to lead Youth Team, a group of high school students who supported as facilitators with the organization’s in-school programs at the time.

“We didn’t have a lot of budget for our Pass it On program, and the Youth Team wanted to be of service,” Kate recalls. “They came up with the idea for the fundraiser, an event that showcased Pass it On, run for youth and by youth, and that would appeal to youth. Which was new, because a lot of the fundraisers, although raising funds for programs for youth, were not necessarily youth-centered.”

While Kate and the Youth Team were full of ideas, they lacked experience in organizing a festival, so she asked her friend and event organizer, James Cowan, to assist them.  “That first year, I said ‘yes’ mainly as a favour to Kate”, he says. “I didn’t know much about SWOVA, or Pass it On, but when I learned more, I realized the importance of the work they did, and the programs they were offering in school. My child had just turned six, and I thought: I need this to be around in another eight years when my child is old enough to be in Pass it On, so I’ll do anything I can to help.”

Together with the participants of the Youth Team and Pass it On, Kate and James organized eight Sparkfests. “The youth and I would come up with plans, and James would ask me: Have you thought about ‘this’, and have you done ‘that’? It cemented the way we communicated. We brought in the creative ideas, and James backed it with his organizational brain.”

The first Sparkfest happened in 2011 at the Farmers’ Institute. “In hindsight, that location was hilarious because it’s massive”, says Kate with a smile. “Way too big for the fifty people who showed up that first time, but it was super fun. We made waffles, we had a bike smoothie blender, door prizes and live music playing all afternoon. We ended the festival with sparklers that we lit, because the group wanted the festival to be called Sparkfest. We wanted to spark ideas and connections.”

A year later, Sparkfest took place at Harbour House and eventually the event moved to Barb’s Buns. “The Orchard Room at Harbour House had hands down the best acoustics on the island”, James continues. “It was a great location and we were lucky because Harbour House donated the space for many years in a row before we ultimately moved to the heart of Ganges at Barb’s Buns.”

Kate adds: “In the first years, I just called people and asked if they wanted to buy a ticket; it was all word of mouth. When we moved to Barb’s, the event became more visible. We opened the sliding doors when the weather was nice and people who passed by wondered: ‘What is this?’ It felt really special to turn a place that people love so much into a musical venue. It also gave me the opportunity to get on that soap box and tell everyone how important Pass it On was. It generated a lot of awareness for the program and what we did as an organization.”

With their different connections in the music scene, Kate and James managed to establish amazing line-ups over the years. Not only did local musicians support Sparkfest but established Canadian singer-songwriters like Kinnie Star, Mae Moore, Tara MacLean and Ashleigh Ball also performed at the event. “We hustled hotel rooms and meals for them, and artists that otherwise wouldn’t have come to the island, all performed here for free.”

What started as a way to fundraise for Pass it On, grew into a yearly highlight for youth on Salt Spring Island. “Sparkfest was initially a strategic move to secure my job and a way to make sure this program continued, but it became so much more”, Kate says. “We generated a couple of thousand dollars a year for Pass it On, but when the program became more established, more funds became available. That’s when we started using the Sparkfest money to set up a similar program for boys.  I thought Pass it On was only relevant if we had a program for both genders.”

Sparkfest concluded prior to the pandemic as part of a strategic shift in organizational priorities. Both Kate and James look back at the Sparkfest years with affection. “It was awesome. Throwing a show is a pretty fun thing to do,” James says. Kate adds: “Wouldn’t it be fun to bring it back one more time?”

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SWOVA started to focus on prevention and education in 1996. Birch joined the organization in 1999. Bringing his fifteen years of arts-informed social education, he worked alongside executive director Lynda Laushway, and co-facilitators, Kim Davidson and Ahava Shira (pictured with Robert Birch and Christina Antonick) to develop the first iteration of the Respectful Relationships Program for middle and high school students.

R&R was an in-school program that addressed gender-based violence. “Our approach was to do more than attempt to change an individual’s way of thinking. We knew we needed a structural approach if we were to address socially embedded, harmful norms toward encouraging youth, parents and educators to more actively participate in gender equality,” says Birch, who now works as a consultant and a writer on Salt Spring Island. “We wanted the program to have a more cultural influence.”

With the Respectful Relations Program, an award-winning model that eventually extended to other rural and remote communities in B.C. and other provinces, youth from grade 7 through grade 10 received 48 sessions of social-emotional programming in four years. “The Respectful Relationships Program was about understanding who we are within the context of social bias and how biases influence our behaviour towards others,” Birch continues.

“We began by looking at the nature of bullying, and by the end of those 48 sessions of sitting in a circle with two facilitators, students were able to identify patterns of healthy and unhealthy relationships, —understand how difficult, but necessary it is to leave one, and how to carefully support somebody who might be in one. One of the big indicators of the success of this program was that when young people felt safe in social learning models, the research revealed their scholastic outcomes also improved.”

Annually, students also spent two sessions in separate groups. “It created safety for girls and boys to speak their minds and hearts more freely. It wasn’t always easy, especially for the boys,” Birch remembers. “One question that almost always sparked meaningful conversations in the boys’ group was: ‘Who wants to be a father one day?’ Many said yes. They then shared what kind of father they wanted to be, who their role models were, and identified approaches to parenting they would rather not emulate. Often, this was the first time they had ever talked about this topic —exploring what it means to parent. It made them realize that boys and men can have values and roles that transcend gender; that they can choose how they show up in the world, what kind of family they want and what kind of relationships they will build.”

Birch was also involved with SWOVA’s Youth Team. The Youth Team consisted of bright, caring and socially engaged youth who came together once a week to participate in a deeper learning of the curriculum. “Eventually, they would join us in the younger classrooms as assistant facilitators. It was a critical part of the program's success to have older kids guiding their younger peers, as they were able to contextualize the learning through their own lived experiences. As an aside, it was also great for their resumés.”

Looking back, one of the highlights for Birch was the time when he was one of the provincial trainers for the Respectful Relationships Program in British Columbia. “Just seeing the light go on for many educators, the relief that they had finally found a program which the school system could benefit from. They were excited to bring R&R into their schools. Many teachers felt powerless around bullying. There wasn’t a strong educational framework at the time; while some schools had a no-tolerance policy on violence, most schools didn’t even have that as a baseline. R&R went right down to the roots of what education is and what it stands for: classroom cultures where every student is free to learn. It’s similar to being hungry, if you don’t feel seen and respected, it’s hard to focus.”

 While programs today may look different, the foundational work of Robert Birch and other early forerunners established core values, including safety, social-emotional competence, critical thinking, respect, equality, awareness of bias, and skills for healthy relationships, which remain strong in The Circle Education’s ongoing mission.

After his time with SWOVA, Birch built an international career as a facilitator and writer on sexuality and intimacy. His work for SWOVA in the schools was often challenging, but he remains convinced these social-emotional programs are vital. “Kids need a place to practice their innate intelligence, kindness, and care. These types of programs could make the difference between a life of connection or one of isolation, violence or even death. That sounds dramatic, but considering the times we are living in, it remains true.”

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The Respect Program facilitated by The Circle Education is designed to offer students in Grades 6,7 and 8 the opportunity to get to know each other better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives. It is a program that Valeskca has welcomed into her classroom for over ten years.

To her, the highlight is always the same. It’s when kids who normally don’t say very much, open up. “All of sudden something clicks and they feel comfortable enough with the facilitator and the group to participate. To see kids who struggle to talk about how they feel, find their voice - is massive. And I see it happen every time.”

Topics from a different angle

Social-emotional learning as an addition to academics, is so relevant, says Valeskca. “There are so many things that are going on in a classroom: friendship dynamics, consent in friendships, communicating your needs, and expressing expectations. I deal with things and situations when they come up and talk with the kids about it, but it is a bit unrealistic to think that teachers can do it all. The experienced facilitators of the Respect Program bring these topics into the class from a different angle. It is a slotted time and safe place where we focus on their social-emotional development. Kids can talk openly and play games which help them talk about important topics, and they absolutely love it.”

Valeskca thinks that the most important aspect of the program is communication. “Learning to communicate with each other in a positive way is an important skill that needs to be taught. And you don’t always get that in an academic environment and not everyone gets that at home either. I see kids in my class that struggle to communicate their feelings. For example, if they don’t want to hang out with someone or if they feel hurt by somebody. A lot of kids don’t have the skills or the words to communicate effectively and in a kind way. I think a lot of problems at school are rooted in the fact that students don’t know how to communicate.”

Communicating is also an important skill if you want to be successful as an adult in a career or in relationships. Learning how to communicate, respect each other and appreciate differences, is all part of the programs The Circle Education facilitates in their in and after-school programs. “It is important that we learn to live and work with people you have nothing in common with or don’t get along with. Not everyone is going to be your best friend but you need know to how to talk to people in an effective and kind way. There is definitely a lack of that nowadays.” 

Anxiety

In her classroom, Valeskca notices that her students are more anxious than in the past. “There are different reasons for that. I think that Covid brought a lot of people’s insecurities to the forefront. It made people a little bit angrier and there is a lot of frustration, especially in adults. You see a lot of polarization, that perhaps existed but not as aggressively. There are also a lot of families that are struggling financially and that reflects how they interact with each other; these things can definitely impact kids.”

Covid also had kids grow up a few years without much social interaction. “We see students that have never been in a whole school assembly and don’t know how to behave. They don’t know how to react to things. There are a lot of things happening all at once for them, piling up, and it has created this cohort of kids that are way more anxious than anything I have ever seen before.”

Valeskca would recommend all teachers to set aside time for social-emotional learning. “ “I think the programs The Circle Education provides are integral to the social-emotional growth of our students. As teachers, we do our best to deal with disagreements in the classroom, however, we often find ourselves putting band-aids on conflicts. The Circle encourages students to acquire strategies that get the root of the problem. We need to teach kids how to verbalize their feelings and deal with peer-to-peer struggles through a positive lens; this is what the Circle Education helps us do in a safe and supportive environment.”

You can find more information about our programs here

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Adele Mark arrived as a newcomer in this community at age 15. She had never been to a high school party before, but it didn’t take long for that to change. For this blog she sat down with Ruby and Sam, two recent graduates of Gulf Island Secondary School to hear their perspectives on the role of boundary setting, parental guidance, and consent education on youths’ ability to experiment safely. We changed the names of the people in this story to protect their anonymity.

Throughout high school, there was a house party every weekend, where it was common for 14-year-old kids from Grade 9 to attend alongside 19- or 20-year-olds who had recently graduated. These large age gaps combined with excessive underage drinking and drug use and limited transportation services often left me feeling unsafe while attending parties.

While talking with Ruby and Sam, we began by comparing our introductions to the party scene at our high school. As a novel new kid, I was ushered into party culture almost immediately after starting Grade 10. I happened to befriend kids who were active partygoers, so it was natural for me to come along with them to parties. I saw my inclusion in this group as an opportunity to meet new friends and learn about my new home.

Conversely, Ruby didn’t start partying until her Grade 12 year. Throughout high school, she was on the rowing team which kept her and her friends really busy. She says, “We were all really Type A and didn't want to do that kind of stuff.” Eventually, she started to experiment in Grade 12 when her friend group shifted, and her new friends were beginning to experiment with alcohol.

Sam began experimentation at a much younger age. She shares, “Partying was normalized, mostly because we had older siblings that were already doing it.” As a rural town with limited social opportunities, Salt Spring youth often befriend individuals in higher grades, or even those outside of high school. “I remember from Grade 7 on, I had friends that were 18 to 20 years old,” Sam looks back. “The presence of older people in my life was always prominent.” These friends introduced her to drugs and alcohol at an early age. In some ways, these relationships made her feel safe because “there were specific people that were looking out for me at parties.” However, in other ways, she felt that the older males around her had “this belief that being older gave them a power stance,” which resulted in her boundaries being crossed.

We discussed how party culture was inseparable from hook-up culture. “You go to a party to hook up,” shares Sam. “It’s more likely that you would hook up while being intoxicated, rather than sober.” Boundary lines start to get blurry when alcohol is involved. Ruby: “I've had some experiences where I was intoxicated, but the other person, a friend, wasn't.” She goes on to describe, “Sleeping in the same bed as someone and having them grind on you in your sleep is uncomfortable. It's kind of a boundary-crossing. When I was in high school, this happened to me more than once. I thought I was falling asleep next to a friend, but to them, it was an opportunity to initiate a hook-up.”

Sam explains that this sort of behaviour is common. “There's a larger majority of people that will spend the night after a party because the taxi services are not the safest to catch if you're intoxicated.” There is a lot more room for boundary-crossing when everyone spends the night. She continued to say: “You may think that you're just sleeping next to a friend and you're in a safe space, but sometimes that space is violated.” She shared that it is difficult to know how to address what happened afterwards “because they're your friend and you are drunk; You just accept that it will happen.” Ruby adds that setting boundaries is “not an easy thing to do, because we don’t want to disappoint another person, especially if they are a friend.” This is especially true for women, who, “don't want to stir the pot.” These experiences demonstrated to Sam “what alcohol can do to your inhibitions and the ways that it can open you up and make you more susceptible to having your boundaries crossed.”

Exposure to drugs and alcohol when paired with a lack of education on the risks of these activities creates unsafe situations. “If you don't really know your limits, you test them more often,” Sam expresses. "At parties, the goal was often to get “as obliterated as possible.” Sam noticed people being “really careless with themselves.” While the party environment encourages unrestricted, and sometimes unsafe experimentation, smaller chaperoned spaces can offer youth a controlled environment where they can learn about their limits safely. Ruby shares how she talked about drugs, sex and alcohol with her family from a young age. For her, the best way to ensure safe experimentation is to “dismantle the stigma around it earlier on when kids start to show interest in those things.”

Parents also have an important role to play in supporting consent culture, boundary setting and healthy risk-taking. Sam expresses how she wished that youth were taught how to express boundaries at home. “When young kids try to set a boundary with their parents, the parents still get to make the final decision for them.” Ruby adds that “starting young with boundary setting and practicing with people that you really trust and can speak openly with” can help youth strengthen their ability to set boundaries later in their lives.

Education can also support youth as they navigate healthy boundary setting and consent culture. Sam reflects that in elementary school, signs of aggression such as when “a boy pulled your hair” had the subtext of, “Oh, he likes you.” The early normalization of abusive behaviour affects young adults’ abilities to recognize their own boundaries later. For example, in high school, when young men were mean or disrespectful towards Sam, she had learned to interpret that as, “‘Oh, he's flirting with me.’”

Ruby adds that introducing consent with small children such as “not ripping another kid’s toy away”, makes setting boundaries and practicing consent “not as much of a foreign idea” because it is normalized early on. It will enable youth to have all the tools they need to practice consent in the more vulnerable aspects of their teen and adult life.

They both agreed that teaching consent, boundary setting, safe experimentation, and healthy risk-taking has a place in the curriculum from elementary school all the way to the end of high school.  

The three of us were lucky to receive guidance in these areas from The Pass It On program. Every Tuesday, we met with other high school-aged girls and our facilitator, Kate Nash, to support each other as we navigated the growing pains of high school. Sam expresses that “more schools should have a program like Pass It On because having a space that can offer support and insight is major.” In the circle, through vulnerable sharing and listening, we were able to explore where our own personal boundaries were and gained the confidence to express them. We also were able to benefit from the diversity of experiences that the group had in relation to partying and experimentation. Sam shares that, “Pass It On was the one place where I felt that the stigma of partying was broken.” Participating in Pass It On provided participants with “insight into what they might be interested in without having to try it unnecessarily.”

For Ruby, Pass It On helped her to learn how to listen. Pass It On featured “a diverse group of people with diverse experiences” which allowed her to gain insights into what partying, and experimentation was like, but also abstaining and sobriety, and how to navigate those choices. When she tried it herself later in high school, she was more aware of her own limits.

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Promoting Healthy Relationships at The Circle Education

Here at The Circle, all of our programs are built around the core principles of SEL (Social and Emotional Learning) to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social-emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students a wide range of benefits of social-emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, resolve conflict, and build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.
Learn more about our programs or contact us at info@thecircleeducation.org to see how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

Adele Mark is a fourth-year undergraduate student studying Sociology and Global Development Studies at the University of Victoria. She was involved in the Pass It On program in high school at Gulf Islands Secondary School and was hired as Marketing and Communications Assistant, a temporary student position in early 2021, at The Circle. Adele has been involved with several projects that focus on youth education and female empowerment and looks forward to continuing this work with The Circle Education.

The post The Growing Pains of High School: Navigating Party Culture on Salt Spring Island appeared first on The Circle Education.

It is hard to get a hold of Zack Hemstreet and Eland Bronstein during the summer and the early fall. They are both busy harvesting and getting ready for the winter. But for the Pass it On Boys program, they gladly make time every Friday; as they not only share a passion for farming but for working with youth as well.

Zack and his wife Molly founded Bullock Lake Farm twelve years ago. They have run their farm for the last ten years predominantly as a Community Supported Agriculture farm, bringing a variety of opportunities, programs, classes, and events to the community of Salt Spring Island. “We heard that the Pass it On Boys program was looking for a home and we were just branching out to education-related programs, like summer camps, workshops and field trips, through our new association Neighbourhood Farm Schools”, says Zack.

Although daily life on the farm keeps them busy, Zack and Molly gladly make time for the educational programs on the farm. “Molly and I have this vision for our farm and we are both passionate to add this extra complex layer to our workload,” he continues. “Luckily, we get a lot of help from our family to realize our dream of being a farm that has tight connections with the community. Pass it On Boys came at the right place at the right moment.”

Eland grew up on Salt Spring and returned to the island in 2012 to help run Duck Creek Farm with his family. When he was asked to partner up with Zack to facilitate the Pass it on Boys program, he didn’t have to think long. “When I was young, I loved being part of sports teams, I was really motivated by working together as a group,” says Eland who played soccer at Capilano University. “I always have been interested in working with youth and intergenerational mentor work. We can learn so much about ourselves through conversations with people at different stages of life. That part of the program really drew me in.”

Bullock Lake Farm is a produce and flower farm spanning 24 acres of rolling pastures, wetland, historic orchards and forest. It offers a playful and dynamic landscape for participants to engage with the outdoors, practice new skills, and develop a sense of belonging through team building, acts of service, and connection to the local food system. Zack: “There are so many small learning opportunities on the farm that requires a lot of patience and can breed a lot of frustration. It is a perfect way to learn how to deal with those emotions.  Small things can be so powerful.”

His favourite activity with the Pass it On program last year is the obstacle course. “We do a lot of physical games,” he continues. “We’ve built a mountain bike course, we prepare food together, and overall, just have a lot of laughs.”

Next to the games and activities, there is also time for conversations. The group has covered many topics last year. “Like videogames, or sports, but also trust, empathy, boundaries, consent, and healthy relationships,” says Eland. “The boys often have questions that sometimes lead them to conversations. We create a safe space so they can talk about anything they like, but they don’t have to. It is often generalized that boys or men, can’t talk about their feelings. We are trying to break that stigma.”

Zack: “The guidance and emotional support in navigating complex issues, shown not only by us as facilitators, but also by the participants for each other, gives me hope for the future."

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I was 18 years old when I began volunteering for EXIT Community Outreach in Calgary. It was something my parents neither expected nor even suggested.  In fact, to this day, it surprises me that they offered no resistance to my decision to volunteer with this organization, considering my sheltered upbringing within an immigrant household with traditional values.  To my family, everything about this experience would have seemed edgy, even unsafe.  To explain, EXIT Community Outreach operated out of a Brinks armoured vehicle that had been refurbished into a mobile haven for Calgary's sex workers and homeless population in the downtown core. EXIT took me out of my very naive comfort zone and into a completely foreign world.    

Stereotypes and assumptions

My job, which I did on the weekends, was to drive the EXIT van along the streets of the city's inner core from the late hours of the evening into the early morning.  An outreach worker sat up front with me, directing me when to pull over, while two others staffed the back of the van, at the ready with food, warm beverages, blankets, prophylactics and date rape report forms.  Separated from the back of the van by a grilled partition, I could only hear the conversations that took place.  I never saw anyone, except through the stereotypes and assumptions imprinted on my mind.  I felt good that I was doing something of value for "those people".

One evening, a vibrant group of female sex workers crowded into the van, seeking shelter from the cold.  It was one of those dreaded Calgary "deep freeze" nights.  As they sipped their hot chocolate, they giggled about crushes, commiserated over heartbreaks, shared makeup tips and anguished over their upcoming university exams.  They were young like me and their conversations mirrored the typical types of talks that I might have with my friends.  Who knew that we could be so similar? Come Monday morning, we could be sitting next to each other in a university lecture or passing each other in the halls, maybe even with a smile as we breathed the same campus air.  It was on that night that "those people" became human to me. 

Listening without seeing

When I look back now, there is something very symbolic about the grilled partition that separated me from the young women at the back of the van.  It is no different than the types of dividers we put up to keep ourselves from truly seeing others for who they are.  And at the same time, listening without seeing is often exactly what we need to correct our short-sightedness.

Decades later, EXIT Outreach continues to direct me as I sit in the driver's seat at The Circle Education.  Our organization works with children and youth to remove dividers that separate us and make us feel different from each other, when in fact we are inherently the same. This is done through our curricula, tackling social-emotional learning (sel) topics like labels, assumptions and stereotypes.  And, as our name suggests, we do this by sitting in a circle, face-face, where each person is seen as equal.  Our hope is to bring to light those basic and even fundamental similarities that connect us more deeply with one another.

Empathy and compassion

I still wonder what drew me towards EXIT Community Outreach.  A sense of service, yes, but more so, I believe that I was the one in need of outreach and a nudge towards a greater sense of humanity.   To this day, this experience continues to remind me that my perceptions are mine alone; societal biases, paired with my own insecurities and fears, mar my ability to practice empathy and compassion.  I am thankful to be able to look in my rear-view mirror and glance back at this important lesson, for my own benefit, but also for the benefit of my family and the children and youth of our community.

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Shelly, could you tell us a little bit about yourself before we start?

I am the principal at Salt Spring Elementary, and I have been a supporter of The Circle for some time now. There’s been programming in my school that’s been well received over the years. And my son Liam is in the Pass It On Boys program.

Can you speak to some of the impacts that Liam’s participation in the program has had on his social-emotional well-being? Has he developed any new skills? What are the best lessons or takeaways that the programming has to offer?

It’s been really great for him. He has made a strong connection with the facilitator of the program last year. The facilitator is musical, and so is Liam. Their connection has inspired Liam to continue to do things with music; write music and play music. It’s been a positive mentorship for him. I have also noticed that his confidence and self-esteem have increased. His focus has become better since being involved. Not only have there been mental health benefits, but physical ones as well. The program has provided him with a chance to run around outside, play games, and be active with his buddies, without a lot of expectations. Liam is not very athletic, and he would say that to you himself! If he was on the soccer team, for example, he would feel a lot of pressure to be good. In Pass It On, there is less expectation of performance or achievement; they are just there to have fun and connect. That has been a great benefit for youth like my son, who would usually rather be on a couch with an iPad instead. Especially this year with a pandemic, to have something available socially for kids when a lot of other programming was canceled, has been vital.

And where do you see these changes in Liam’s social-emotional well-being having the biggest impact on his life? At home, his relationships, his school performance?

I would say it has impacted him in all of those spheres. The new connections he has made through the program and the strengthening of some of his existing connections have been really good for his relationships. That also improves things at home because he’s happier when he’s involved in a program like this. He did very well this year in school and as I mentioned, his focus has improved so this program could be attributed to that. It has helped his musical performances and led to his decision to stay in the school band. Generally, he is feeling better about himself.

We live on Salt Spring Island, which is a rural area with a population of about 10,000 people. What are the impacts of rural living on your child’s development? What are the gifts? What are the challenges?

One gift is that this is a safe place to grow up. Even in the sense of the pandemic this year, Salt Spring was a safe place to be. There are so many things to do outside and plenty of recreational activities, like going for a hike or a bike ride. He’s known some kids his whole life; I was in maternity class with their parents before he was born! Some of those kids are in Pass It On with him. But one of the biggest challenges is that there aren’t so many opportunities for kids. There are only so many other kids their age to interact with. Another challenge is that the kids don’t grow up with a worldly perspective. And they don’t know how to be street smart. It is something they will have to learn when they leave.

Do social-emotional programs, like those offered by The Circle, help to counteract some of the challenges that you have highlighted?

Oh, definitely. It provides a forum for kids to get together. Liam has had the opportunity to connect with kids his age outside of school, forge some new connections, as well as deeper friendships with some of the kids that he already knew in the program. He also got to meet some older kids and the mentors, which he probably never would have had any interaction with otherwise. That’s been really positive.

You have a unique perspective as both a parent of a youth in our programming and as an educator. Taking the latter perspective, have you noticed similar feedback from other kids, parents, or teachers about the positive impacts of social-emotional programming?

I will speak to the Empathy Project that has gone on here at Salt Spring Elementary. I’ve heard nothing but positive feedback about the program. The teachers tell me that it’s wonderful. I think it’s fantastic to have social-emotional programs like this available in schools. Not all teachers are comfortable teaching a program like this on their own or have had the opportunity to be trained to deliver this kind of programming, so the work The Circle is doing is unique and vital. We appreciate having that available to our students.

Have you personally benefited from social-emotional learning or education in your own life?

My job is very much a people job. I’m constantly learning about others and building my resiliency and my skills in that area. It makes me better at what I do. I have often taken workshops and read books and articles about social-emotional learning. This learning improves my own personal and professional life. It’s important for everyone.

Thank you so much for your time today. Is there anything else important that you’d like to add?

The Circle does fantastic work and I wish you all the best. I’m happy to continue both my professional and personal connection to the organization. Good luck to you!

Photo by Jeswin Thomas on Unsplash

The post ‘The Work The Circle Education Is Doing Is Unique and vital’ appeared first on The Circle Education.

 Adele Mark: My first question for you is, what do you do and what is your connection to The Circle?

Gail Bryn-Jones: I am an elementary school teacher on Salt Spring Island. I’ve been teaching in the school system here since 1987. I have had The Circle’s programs in my classroom for the last 5 years now and I am also a member of The Circle’s board of directors. Before that, my most relevant history was with the Virtues Project. For those who are unfamiliar, the Virtues Project started with a family who wanted to be of service to the community. They compiled a list of 52 characteristics that describe what it is to be a good person, such as curiosity, assertiveness, determination. The hope was for families to teach one virtue a week for a year to their children to replace things like “nice girl” or “bad boy” with a better vocabulary of positive “virtues.” It’s expanded into classrooms, prisons, workplaces, churches, and all around first nations communities. I was involved in copy editing and proofing the original Virtues Project guide and I was very involved in facilitating workshops. Those are the two bits of my bio that relate particularly well to social-emotional learning and teaching.

AM: I am glad you mentioned that. For those who are new to social-emotional learning, could you explain what it is and why it’s important? What is your own personal connection to social-emotional learning?

GBJ: Social-emotional learning in the school context is where we address the children and their affective side. How they are feeling affects how they can learn and how they can participate. If you look at the two words social and emotional, there’s a lot that humans need to know about how to take care of themselves emotionally but also how to integrate with others emotionally.

GBJ: When you think about what contributes to students’ success, it’s just as much intellectual capability as it is their social confidence, respect for each other, and respect for themselves. How much we value ourselves is a direct contributor to how well we do out in the world. More and more, it seems like socialization rules that families could and should be teaching are not happening in some homes and so we have to make up for it at school. Finding ways for kids to feel good about themselves has always been the most important thing about my teaching job.

AM: It is interesting that you said that. I think that is something really special that a lot of teachers on Salt Spring give to their students. When I moved here in Grade 10, I was so surprised and humbled by how much the teachers were interested in how I was feeling outside of what they were teaching me.

GBJ: Absolutely. It’s taken a while for the curriculum to catch up to what teachers have known for a long time, and then it’s taken a while for a new generation of teachers to really give it time in the classroom. As teachers, we’ve always had to guard our time so that we don’t run out of time to teach math or reading. We often don’t want to bring in anything else, yet we have to look at how important social-emotional learning is. Kids have to feel good about themselves before they can really maximize their learning.

AM: Switching gears a little, I know that you raised children on the island. As a parent, what are the biggest challenges of rural living for youth that you have noticed, and how can social-emotional learning help with those challenges?

 GBJ: It’s interesting that you put it as a challenge. I think if you asked my children about being raised in this rural situation, I think that they would both say that there are very few things that they feel like they missed in their childhood. If anything, the one thing as a parent I feel that they miss is exposure to a diversity of people. We are fairly monocultural. Hang on a second. My 28-year-old child would like to add something.

Gail’s son, Arlo [from the background]: Yes, exactly! Oh, exactly that.

GBJ: He agrees that the lack of diversity is the shortfall of this community. In a way, I think that they had a very safe, almost gentle, place to grow up. That has contributed to them feeling like they can embrace the rest of the diversity that they didn’t necessarily get exposed to. When the kids were little, we could go to a community event and, if for some reason something happened and I needed to leave, there would be a dozen people at that event that I could say to, “Hey, could you take the kids?” That kind of security where there are community people caring for children, allowed them to develop their social understanding in a really safe way. For me, the good things outweigh the challenges.

AM: I would agree that my experience growing up on Salt Spring has been mostly positive. I always thought that my positive experience was because I already had lived in a big city, but I know that some of my friends really struggled with the isolation. So, many of them were ready to leave and not ever come back after graduation.

GBJ: Of course, that makes sense. When we grow up only knowing one certain way, we want to learn about other parts of the world. But our basic values don’t disappear just because we’re going to experience other things. The confidence-building that has happened in those first years on the island while also learning about their social-emotional well-being helps kids move on and find those new experiences. Otherwise, it is kind of a big scary world out there. It all traces back to that early social-emotional learning.

AM: My next question is, what tips would you give to parents to support social-emotional learning at home? What would you say to a parent who is struggling with homeschooling either full-time or when their child comes home from school?

GBJ: Often young parents, especially if they had any kind of strict or restrictive upbringing, tend to go too much in the opposite direction where they give a lot of freedoms to their children too early. I talk about the container that we hold our children in, and that even if it’s a small container, if the edges are well defined, if the boundaries are clear, kids feel cared about. If kids can push those boundaries without facing a consequence or being shown that their parents care, then how will they know how to be without their parents’ guidance? Having a small box with strong boundaries is better than having a large box where the boundaries shift. I see it all the time in the classroom where parents are not clear on what kind of structure they want to give their kids and so rather than leading they are following. Instead, if we try and anticipate the age stages of our children and at least keep up with them, if not lead, then you start to balance freedoms and responsibilities. That helps them build self-respect because we’re showing them respect. We need to show our kids at home that we believe they are capable of meeting a higher standard. Believing in them and showing them that respect with consistent boundaries helps eliminate a lot of the behaviour issues that come up in the classroom later on.

AM: Let’s talk about the Empathy Project, a program offered by The Circle for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social-emotional learning. As someone who has had the program in your classroom for the last several years, can you speak to some of the key takeaways from the curriculum?

GBJ: One of the highlights of this program is that it introduces a lot of language to the kids to show that somebody else cares about them. It encourages kids to care about each other, and it recognizes that it’s important for class time to be given to this work. It gives it a real central stage which elevates in kids’ minds the importance of social-emotional learning.

AM: Have you benefited from social-emotional learning in your own life?

GBJ: One of the reasons that I was attracted to the Virtues Project was because I was pregnant with my eldest. I didn’t know how I was going to compensate for some of the poor parenting styles I had experienced or seen, and so it really suited my heart-mind connection to have something meaningful in my life that speaks to the very core of our humanity. The Virtues Project gave me a platform from which I could parent that matched my values. When The Circle first introduced Peace Kids, now the Empathy Project, I saw it as a program with a similar mission — to bring that social-emotional language and hope to the kids. I immediately wanted it in my classroom. It fit with my values and how I work. Relationship with self and relationship with others is really the most important thing.

AM: What is the most challenging part about teaching social-emotional learning in the classroom?

GBJ: Mostly having to teach other stuff! I do see challenges at times when kids have so little experience with it that they freeze up. I feel that challenge when I haven’t been able to touch someone’s life or when I haven’t been able to bring somebody in. But, in terms of challenges [while] teaching, it’s my language. It’s my way of being, so I don’t feel challenged by it the way I feel challenged teaching history! History is interesting. I like it, but this stuff, social-emotional learning, is just how I roll.

AM: Can you speak to the lasting effects that receiving a social-emotional education has on a child?

GBJ: For kids who relate to the language, who relate to the learning, it’s an affirmation for them that they’ll just keep building on their whole lives. I’d say it’s necessary for everybody, whether they haven’t had it at home and they’re experiencing it for the first time or if they have had it before and they’re having further revelations — a sense of faith or hope that things are going to be okay. Social-emotional learning opens doors to something that is ongoing; it’s the human condition to always want to be better, like wanting to be more considerate or wanting to be more of service to others. Social-emotional education gives children lifelong tools to facilitate that learning and personal betterment.

AM: Thank you, Gail. I really appreciate you talking with me today. You’ve given me quite a few nuggets to think about.

GBJ: You’re very welcome. It’s been lovely to talk to you.

Supporting Rural Youth at The Circle

Check out all of the programs The Circle has to offer. Our programs are built around the core principles of SEL to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social–emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students the wide range of benefits of a social–emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, to resolve conflict, and to build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.

Learn more about our programs or request more information about how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

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Adele Mark is a third-year undergraduate student studying Sociology and Global Development Studies at the University of Victoria. She was involved in the Pass It On program in high school at Gulf Islands Secondary School and was hired as Marketing and Communications Assistant, a temporary student position in early 2021, at The Circle. Adele has been involved with several projects that focus on youth education and female empowerment and looks forward to continuing this work with The Circle.

The post ‘Social-Emotional Learning Encourages Kids to Care about Each Other’ appeared first on The Circle Education.