Stella Grand took her passion for creating safer student environments into her own hands by founding the Wellness Initiative for Student Empowerment (WISE). Despite the challenges, Stella is committed to this cause, working multiple jobs to fund her initiative. You might spot her selling chocolates and ice cream at Harlan's or as a barista at the Tree House, all to support the work she deeply believes in. "I have ADHD and realized early on that university might not suit my learning style," she explains. "So, I chose to dedicate my time to this project and see if I can make a change now."

Stella's journey began with a personal experience of sexual assault in elementary school and she knew she wanted to change things when she had to deal with outdated policies throughout high school. “There is an enormous variety of gaps needing to be filled that should have been addressed a long time ago,” says Stella. “I found out, for example, that it is not mandatory for schools, other than post-secondary, to have response plans for sexual assault/harassment on campus, which I think is unacceptable.”

Pursuing change

She began researching secondary education policies in grade 11, which evolved into the Wellness Initiative for Student Empowerment when she was in grade 12. WISE is a multi-goal initiative to nurture the evolution of how youth are treated. “I am pursuing different significant projects, such as educational presentations about ADHD and mental health, and advocate for change in different areas. A recent win was the creation of a policy/protocol for secondary schools to prevent and respond to sexual violence among students that is more trauma-informed. I have been given hands-on support from Island Health and we now have our document under review by a subject matter expert, but we still have a few steps to go before we can secure its release. We might have to pass a bill, but my goal is to get this new policy implemented not only in our school district but in the rest of Canada as well.”

Stella’s own healing process began when she started The Circle Education’s Pass it On program in grade 10. “I was really struggling in grade 9, as a new high schooler being in the same school with the person who assaulted me,” says Stella. “After that year I made it my mission to heal myself. I was part of the Pass it On program and being in that group, as well as being in drama class, gave me the power to keep going. The program also gave me the tools to talk about what happened to me. It was a key factor in what I do now.”

On December 6th, we commemorate the tragic events of the Montreal Massacre in 1989 when a gunman killed fourteen women because of their gender at Polytechnique Montreal. Although this tragedy happened 35 years ago, femicide and gender-based violence - violence committed against someone based on their gender, gender expression, gender identity, or perceived gender - are still very common.

Sexual harassment in schools

“I recently found an anonymous survey, conducted by CBC, of more than 4,000 students across Canada between the ages of 14 and 21, about school-related physical and verbal abuse, as well as about sexual harassment and assault,” Stella continues. “Fifteen percent of female respondents said they’ve had a sexual act forced upon them by another student. This means that in a classroom of about twenty female students, three say they've been sexually assaulted by another student. I was really shocked by those numbers.”

Stella’s work reminds us that the fight against gender-based violence continues. “I feel a mixture of many emotions when I think about what happened in Montreal,” she says. “I feel sorrow, I feel pain for the victims and their families and I feel gratitude to know our history in the fight for change. We have to keep talking about this. If we as a community can use the information and resources we have now, to transform how we react to another, we will grow. We need to teach youth to have compassion and empathy for themselves and their peers, if not through education, then by example so we can create a safer world and a better future.” 

You can find out more about WISE through the Instagram account @wiseproject2023

Do you want to know more about the Montreal Massacre? You can find a report here on how the tragedy unfolded on December 6^th, 1989. Trigger warning: this is a detailed description of violent actions.

The post 35 years after Montreal Massacre, Stella Grand fights for safer environment for students appeared first on The Circle Education.

Adele Mark arrived as a newcomer in this community at age 15. She had never been to a high school party before, but it didn’t take long for that to change. For this blog she sat down with Ruby and Sam, two recent graduates of Gulf Island Secondary School to hear their perspectives on the role of boundary setting, parental guidance, and consent education on youths’ ability to experiment safely. We changed the names of the people in this story to protect their anonymity.

Throughout high school, there was a house party every weekend, where it was common for 14-year-old kids from Grade 9 to attend alongside 19- or 20-year-olds who had recently graduated. These large age gaps combined with excessive underage drinking and drug use and limited transportation services often left me feeling unsafe while attending parties.

While talking with Ruby and Sam, we began by comparing our introductions to the party scene at our high school. As a novel new kid, I was ushered into party culture almost immediately after starting Grade 10. I happened to befriend kids who were active partygoers, so it was natural for me to come along with them to parties. I saw my inclusion in this group as an opportunity to meet new friends and learn about my new home.

Conversely, Ruby didn’t start partying until her Grade 12 year. Throughout high school, she was on the rowing team which kept her and her friends really busy. She says, “We were all really Type A and didn't want to do that kind of stuff.” Eventually, she started to experiment in Grade 12 when her friend group shifted, and her new friends were beginning to experiment with alcohol.

Sam began experimentation at a much younger age. She shares, “Partying was normalized, mostly because we had older siblings that were already doing it.” As a rural town with limited social opportunities, Salt Spring youth often befriend individuals in higher grades, or even those outside of high school. “I remember from Grade 7 on, I had friends that were 18 to 20 years old,” Sam looks back. “The presence of older people in my life was always prominent.” These friends introduced her to drugs and alcohol at an early age. In some ways, these relationships made her feel safe because “there were specific people that were looking out for me at parties.” However, in other ways, she felt that the older males around her had “this belief that being older gave them a power stance,” which resulted in her boundaries being crossed.

We discussed how party culture was inseparable from hook-up culture. “You go to a party to hook up,” shares Sam. “It’s more likely that you would hook up while being intoxicated, rather than sober.” Boundary lines start to get blurry when alcohol is involved. Ruby: “I've had some experiences where I was intoxicated, but the other person, a friend, wasn't.” She goes on to describe, “Sleeping in the same bed as someone and having them grind on you in your sleep is uncomfortable. It's kind of a boundary-crossing. When I was in high school, this happened to me more than once. I thought I was falling asleep next to a friend, but to them, it was an opportunity to initiate a hook-up.”

Sam explains that this sort of behaviour is common. “There's a larger majority of people that will spend the night after a party because the taxi services are not the safest to catch if you're intoxicated.” There is a lot more room for boundary-crossing when everyone spends the night. She continued to say: “You may think that you're just sleeping next to a friend and you're in a safe space, but sometimes that space is violated.” She shared that it is difficult to know how to address what happened afterwards “because they're your friend and you are drunk; You just accept that it will happen.” Ruby adds that setting boundaries is “not an easy thing to do, because we don’t want to disappoint another person, especially if they are a friend.” This is especially true for women, who, “don't want to stir the pot.” These experiences demonstrated to Sam “what alcohol can do to your inhibitions and the ways that it can open you up and make you more susceptible to having your boundaries crossed.”

Exposure to drugs and alcohol when paired with a lack of education on the risks of these activities creates unsafe situations. “If you don't really know your limits, you test them more often,” Sam expresses. "At parties, the goal was often to get “as obliterated as possible.” Sam noticed people being “really careless with themselves.” While the party environment encourages unrestricted, and sometimes unsafe experimentation, smaller chaperoned spaces can offer youth a controlled environment where they can learn about their limits safely. Ruby shares how she talked about drugs, sex and alcohol with her family from a young age. For her, the best way to ensure safe experimentation is to “dismantle the stigma around it earlier on when kids start to show interest in those things.”

Parents also have an important role to play in supporting consent culture, boundary setting and healthy risk-taking. Sam expresses how she wished that youth were taught how to express boundaries at home. “When young kids try to set a boundary with their parents, the parents still get to make the final decision for them.” Ruby adds that “starting young with boundary setting and practicing with people that you really trust and can speak openly with” can help youth strengthen their ability to set boundaries later in their lives.

Education can also support youth as they navigate healthy boundary setting and consent culture. Sam reflects that in elementary school, signs of aggression such as when “a boy pulled your hair” had the subtext of, “Oh, he likes you.” The early normalization of abusive behaviour affects young adults’ abilities to recognize their own boundaries later. For example, in high school, when young men were mean or disrespectful towards Sam, she had learned to interpret that as, “‘Oh, he's flirting with me.’”

Ruby adds that introducing consent with small children such as “not ripping another kid’s toy away”, makes setting boundaries and practicing consent “not as much of a foreign idea” because it is normalized early on. It will enable youth to have all the tools they need to practice consent in the more vulnerable aspects of their teen and adult life.

They both agreed that teaching consent, boundary setting, safe experimentation, and healthy risk-taking has a place in the curriculum from elementary school all the way to the end of high school.  

The three of us were lucky to receive guidance in these areas from The Pass It On program. Every Tuesday, we met with other high school-aged girls and our facilitator, Kate Nash, to support each other as we navigated the growing pains of high school. Sam expresses that “more schools should have a program like Pass It On because having a space that can offer support and insight is major.” In the circle, through vulnerable sharing and listening, we were able to explore where our own personal boundaries were and gained the confidence to express them. We also were able to benefit from the diversity of experiences that the group had in relation to partying and experimentation. Sam shares that, “Pass It On was the one place where I felt that the stigma of partying was broken.” Participating in Pass It On provided participants with “insight into what they might be interested in without having to try it unnecessarily.”

For Ruby, Pass It On helped her to learn how to listen. Pass It On featured “a diverse group of people with diverse experiences” which allowed her to gain insights into what partying, and experimentation was like, but also abstaining and sobriety, and how to navigate those choices. When she tried it herself later in high school, she was more aware of her own limits.

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Promoting Healthy Relationships at The Circle Education

Here at The Circle, all of our programs are built around the core principles of SEL (Social and Emotional Learning) to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social-emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students a wide range of benefits of social-emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, resolve conflict, and build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.
Learn more about our programs or contact us at info@thecircleeducation.org to see how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

Adele Mark is a fourth-year undergraduate student studying Sociology and Global Development Studies at the University of Victoria. She was involved in the Pass It On program in high school at Gulf Islands Secondary School and was hired as Marketing and Communications Assistant, a temporary student position in early 2021, at The Circle. Adele has been involved with several projects that focus on youth education and female empowerment and looks forward to continuing this work with The Circle Education.

The post The Growing Pains of High School: Navigating Party Culture on Salt Spring Island appeared first on The Circle Education.

First, let me start by explaining in short what restorative justice is. Restorative justice is a process where those affected by a transgression come together to engage in a conversation about what happened, how it made each person feel, and how to move forward. It is less about punishment and more about listening, accountability, and healing.

This process initially began in the form of a letter. Almost 6 months after the assault, I wrote to my assaulter, describing how his actions had affected me and inviting him to enter into a dialogue with me for us both to heal. I recognized that the assault was not only his fault, but the result of a society structured by patriarchy that normalizes violence against women. It could be an opportunity for him to learn and heal from his actions too.

He responded to my letter, shocked. He didn’t understand that what he did was a sexual assault.

We agreed to speak by phone and the experience was life-changing. He listened to me with sensitivity and afterwards, apologized in tears. I heard his side of the story and gained empathy for his perspective. The exchange was real, heartfelt, and vulnerable. He showed up and humbly took accountability for his actions, a fundamental pillar of restorative justice. In that moment, over the phone, I told him that I forgave him. And it was in that same moment that I forgave myself. Through addressing my assaulter, I was transformed into an empowered survivor.

Restorative justice has many overlaps with the Pass it On Program from The Circle Education.  When I was in Pass it On, I gathered once a week in a circle with other high school girls and our facilitator, Kate, to engage in open and vulnerable dialogue about our life experiences. We learned to listen deeply and to respond without judgment.

Before joining the group, I was accustomed to other school spaces where it was uncommon to be honest with others about what I was going through. But in Pass It On, I felt safe to share about the parts of myself that I felt I needed to hide.

When I addressed my assaulter, I used the skills that I gained in the program and felt safe doing so. I realize that having such a conversation might not be possible for everyone. There is a whole range of experiences, and my story only represents one of them. I am lucky to have been able to find healing out of such a difficult situation.

Photo: Priscilla Du Preez/Unsplash

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Promoting Healthy Relationships at The Circle

Here at The Circle, all of our programs are built around the core principles of SEL (Social and Emotional Learning) to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social-emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students a wide range of benefits of social-emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, resolve conflict, and build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.
Learn more about our programs or contact us at info@thecircleeducation.org to see how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

The post Using Restorative Justice to Find Healing appeared first on The Circle Education.

Consent is synonymous with healthy sexuality. Ideally. We’re making strides in the right direction, but I can’t help wonder if this narrowing of how we teach about consent may in fact be reducing it to subpar results. I believe consent is something we can be teaching from the very start. By bringing the language of consent into all areas of our lives, we’ll weave a culture of consent into the very fabric of our community.

I’m going to be more honest with you. Three years ago, I moved into a bus with my three children and husband. We had always lived in a small one-bedroom house, so time together was not uncommon. Now, though, we’re on raw land, and the only indoor space is a 40-foot school bus; the intricacies of relationship and family dynamics have become all too clear. The baby of the family, our nine-year-old at the time, was an expert at getting what he wanted.

The word “no” was just an opportunity for him to add pressure and use every card possible to change that “no” into a “yes.” As his tactics increased, it was easy to become agitated by his desperate pleas. And, why not, I would ask. Please, make him quiet, give him what he wants. At a certain point, though, I began to ask myself:

“If I support my son in getting what he wants at the age of nine, when will I teach him that no means no? If I allow my child to shout, cry, and whine for what he wants when he is young, will I then expect that, when he’s 15, he’ll know better and even see the need to ask?”

The other half of my life is spent with youth. I deliver programs based in the themes of respect, empathy, and connection. This is how I believe we build a future free of violence and abuse. Consent is an obvious and integral part of my work. I have to be willing to ask what others want, without bias, and be willing in return to be clear about what I want as well. Too often, I see that the first time youth are hearing about consent, it’s in the framework of sexual consent. I believe this is far too late.

I’m going to try to demonstrate this by using the analogy of toilet training. Most people who have toilet trained a two- or three-year-old may agree that it can be very difficult. It occurs right as the child is developing a sense of independence and opinion. Why would they use a potty? They already have a system that works just fine. I was fortunate enough to read Ingrid Bauer’s book on the diaper-free method. In essence, teach a child before they hold any biases. Right from the start, set the expectation. I can attest. It works. I did not toilet train my kids. We set the goal, and they figured out how. They did not have to unlearn to learn.

In truth, I learned how consent could be taught to a child from a good friend. Over a cup of tea together, I witnessed her demonstrate the intricacies of how to navigate consent with her two-year-old, clearly, efficiently, and without any blame or shame. In relationship, we may well want different things. Acceptance of that, without any feelings of shame or being wrong, allows us to be more willing to find out what those differences are. Her son wanted to wrestle. She did not. Calmly she pointed out to him that he wanted to wrestle, which represented a “yes,” and she did not, representing a “no.” See, she said, one “yes” and one “no”—what does that make? A “no.” A “yes” and a “yes,” that makes a “yes.” When there is a “yes” and a “no,” that means that someone does not want to. That is a “no.”

Even at two, this seemed acceptable to him. Obvious really. Life moved on. I could not help but think, if we all raised our children with this language, of asking and accepting, would sexual consent need to be taught? I imagine that it would occur naturally, as it would already be imbedded into the language used in any relationship.

I’m curious about how we can change the language we use with our kids, our students, and our friends to include the opportunity of consent. How we can practise a willingness, without judgment or shaming, to allow others to say how they feel and share what they want. How we can demonstrate our own boundaries without anger or bias. Just as fact.

I now see that it’s up to me to examine the ways I ask others to show up and the ways I may push my biases or opinions onto others. What does it really mean to allow others to participate in a way that is most comfortable for them? In classrooms and in my own family, I’ve seen that when I ask people for consent they’re more willing to engage. Consent, when met with consent, is an agreement. This is a beautiful standard for any interaction. It means we truly want to, in our own way. No matter what we’re doing, it is always better and more enjoyable when we’ve consented to doing it.

As part of our training offerings, we support facilitators and educators to identify the qualities necessary to practice consent in their youth programming or classroom and to develop the skills to apply consent practice into their day-to-day activities and classroom/program culture. Get more information about our programs and let us know if you’re interested in our next offering.

Kate Nash has been working with The Circle since 2010. She has developed, nurtured, and grown the Pass It On program into a successful project that has touched the lives of over 200 youth from Grades 8 to 12 since its beginning. She has facilitated many of The Circle’s programs and helped develop its curricula to better meet the needs of youth. With the help of the youth team in 2010, she created the annual Pass It On fundraiser, Sparkfest. Kate has gotten to know may of the island’s youth by teaching theatre, play building, and improv for a decade. Empowering youth to share though all mediums is her passion and is what motivates her in her work. Kate lives in an old school bus with her three amazing children and gorgeous husband on a farm with many animals.

The post Consent from the Start appeared first on The Circle Education.

We invite everyone to attend a

Candlelight Vigil

Centennial Park

Wednesday, December 6th, 2017 

**4:30-5:00pm** 

To honour and remember all women who have been killed by violence. We will meet at the Memorial Monument just before 4:30. Members of the public are invited to witness, listen to readings/poetry and song and share your own words as the spirit moves you.

Sponsored by:

SWOVA Community Development & Research Society

**Please share!**

The post Dec. 6th Vigil – Please Join Us appeared first on The Circle Education.