The December 6th Memorial was Quinn’s introduction to what happened in Montreal, and gender-based violence in general. “All the Pass it on Girls attended the memorial that year, it was super cold, and I remember there was a large turnout from the community. I did a bit of my own research and it definitely triggered my interest in gender equality and advocacy”, says Mulherin who is in her fourth year of the Women and Gender Studies program at UVIC.

Quinn joined Pass it On - a cross-peer group mentorship program with the purpose of supporting self-awareness and skills for healthy relationships - when she was in middle school. “My friends joined and I decided to come with them. As a ‘little buddy’, it prepared me for my life in high school, and as a ‘mentor’ it was my goal to provide support to younger girls who were new in high school, in and outside the program. I became friends with people who I would normally never have befriended. It was a safe space where you could talk about friendships, healthy relationships, boundaries and consent. These conversations gave me insights that nudged me in the direction of Women and Gender Studies.” 

She graduated in 2020 amid the pandemic and wasn’t entirely sure if she wanted to go to university.  “On a whim, I decided to apply for one program, Women and Gender Studies, and I got in. I am in my fourth year now, and I can say that I made the right choice. Gender equality tends to relate to a lot of other intersectional global issues, like human rights, economics and housing problems. A lot of women still fall through the cracks. That is probably why this course of study stuck with me”, says Quinn who’s also majoring in sociology.     

Nearly 35 years have passed since the École Polytechnique massacre, and gender-based violence continues to be a real and horrific issue in the world, in Canada, and in our own community. “There has been a lot of progress over the years, but there is still so much work to be done. I think that toxic masculinity, and certain traditional cultural masculine norms, are a big reason for problematic behaviour towards women. Men are often defined by outdated and unfounded stereotypes, and are trying to measure up to them, ultimately harming themselves and others in the process.”

The big question is, what can we, and particularly young people, do to stop gender-based violence in the future? “We can start by talking about it, men and women alike. Talk with peers about their experiences. Try to step in their shoes. Do your research. Join groups like Pass it On, there are girls’ and boys’ programs, where you can safely talk about vulnerable topics. Participate in advocacy and stand up for what you believe in. I take every opportunity I can to talk to someone when I hear about persistent stereotypes, for example. People are not always happy about that, some are surprised or embarrassed, but that won’t stop me because there are also people who are understanding and willing to change the way they think. That makes it all worth it.”

And what can you do when you experience or suspect gender-based violence? “Trust your gut when you think that you or someone else, are in an unsafe situation or unsafe relationship. Talk to friends, family, a teacher. It will be hard and uncomfortable, but you have to do it as soon as possible. If we speak up, we can try to change things. I don’t think gender-based violence will ever completely stop, so we have to keep advocating for ourselves and others.”

* Quinn uses both pronouns ‘she’ and ‘they’, which means both can be used interchangeably. For the flow and readability of this story, we have used ‘she’.

December 6th Memorial Centennial Park

IWAV and The Circle Education are hosting the annual December 6th Vigil, in memorial and solidarity of the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women in Canada, on Wednesday, December 6 in Centennial Park.

Salt Spring islanders are invited to gather at 5 pm in Centennial Park for the December 6th Memorial (Wednesday, December 6th), to remember and commit to violence-free communities.

The post Never too Young to Remember December 6 appeared first on The Circle Education.

Take my mask off

The thing that maybe stuck on the most for me, was that I was able to take my mask off. I was a bit shy and reserved when I joined Pass it On, but through the program, I learned to show more of myself. I felt that my perspective was valued and it helped me to take that out of the circle and into my normal life as well. It also made me realize that I don’t have to change myself for people trying to fit in. I definitely grew more confident.

Look beyond assumptions

We talk a lot about assumptions in Pass it On. I learned to look beyond those assumptions and social boundaries. By doing that, I was able to meet new people outside the boxes that we put around them. It became easier to connect with people that don't have the same interests as me and that was big for me as well.

Set boundaries

Before I joined Pass it On it was hard for me to set boundaries. During my middle school and early high school years, I let people treat me in a way that wasn’t kind and I felt that I just had to deal with that.  Through the circle and the older mentors I had in the group, I think I am pretty good now at setting boundaries. Maybe this person doesn’t need to be in my life, or I shouldn’t let them influence my life. I got a bit tougher.

Be a better listener

I’ve definitely learned to be a better listener, an active listener. Not thinking about what you’re going say while someone else is talking, but just listening. It is not always about yourself, so try to listen instead of giving your opinion or advice.

Navigate difficult things

Because of the program, I became better at navigating difficult things. If you can mention things, you can manage them better. You can learn from others to do things differently and seeing other people going through the same things made it easier to handle stress and anxiety.

The post Five Things I Learned in Pass it On appeared first on The Circle Education.

Adele Mark arrived as a newcomer in this community at age 15. She had never been to a high school party before, but it didn’t take long for that to change. For this blog she sat down with Ruby and Sam, two recent graduates of Gulf Island Secondary School to hear their perspectives on the role of boundary setting, parental guidance, and consent education on youths’ ability to experiment safely. We changed the names of the people in this story to protect their anonymity.

Throughout high school, there was a house party every weekend, where it was common for 14-year-old kids from Grade 9 to attend alongside 19- or 20-year-olds who had recently graduated. These large age gaps combined with excessive underage drinking and drug use and limited transportation services often left me feeling unsafe while attending parties.

While talking with Ruby and Sam, we began by comparing our introductions to the party scene at our high school. As a novel new kid, I was ushered into party culture almost immediately after starting Grade 10. I happened to befriend kids who were active partygoers, so it was natural for me to come along with them to parties. I saw my inclusion in this group as an opportunity to meet new friends and learn about my new home.

Conversely, Ruby didn’t start partying until her Grade 12 year. Throughout high school, she was on the rowing team which kept her and her friends really busy. She says, “We were all really Type A and didn't want to do that kind of stuff.” Eventually, she started to experiment in Grade 12 when her friend group shifted, and her new friends were beginning to experiment with alcohol.

Sam began experimentation at a much younger age. She shares, “Partying was normalized, mostly because we had older siblings that were already doing it.” As a rural town with limited social opportunities, Salt Spring youth often befriend individuals in higher grades, or even those outside of high school. “I remember from Grade 7 on, I had friends that were 18 to 20 years old,” Sam looks back. “The presence of older people in my life was always prominent.” These friends introduced her to drugs and alcohol at an early age. In some ways, these relationships made her feel safe because “there were specific people that were looking out for me at parties.” However, in other ways, she felt that the older males around her had “this belief that being older gave them a power stance,” which resulted in her boundaries being crossed.

We discussed how party culture was inseparable from hook-up culture. “You go to a party to hook up,” shares Sam. “It’s more likely that you would hook up while being intoxicated, rather than sober.” Boundary lines start to get blurry when alcohol is involved. Ruby: “I've had some experiences where I was intoxicated, but the other person, a friend, wasn't.” She goes on to describe, “Sleeping in the same bed as someone and having them grind on you in your sleep is uncomfortable. It's kind of a boundary-crossing. When I was in high school, this happened to me more than once. I thought I was falling asleep next to a friend, but to them, it was an opportunity to initiate a hook-up.”

Sam explains that this sort of behaviour is common. “There's a larger majority of people that will spend the night after a party because the taxi services are not the safest to catch if you're intoxicated.” There is a lot more room for boundary-crossing when everyone spends the night. She continued to say: “You may think that you're just sleeping next to a friend and you're in a safe space, but sometimes that space is violated.” She shared that it is difficult to know how to address what happened afterwards “because they're your friend and you are drunk; You just accept that it will happen.” Ruby adds that setting boundaries is “not an easy thing to do, because we don’t want to disappoint another person, especially if they are a friend.” This is especially true for women, who, “don't want to stir the pot.” These experiences demonstrated to Sam “what alcohol can do to your inhibitions and the ways that it can open you up and make you more susceptible to having your boundaries crossed.”

Exposure to drugs and alcohol when paired with a lack of education on the risks of these activities creates unsafe situations. “If you don't really know your limits, you test them more often,” Sam expresses. "At parties, the goal was often to get “as obliterated as possible.” Sam noticed people being “really careless with themselves.” While the party environment encourages unrestricted, and sometimes unsafe experimentation, smaller chaperoned spaces can offer youth a controlled environment where they can learn about their limits safely. Ruby shares how she talked about drugs, sex and alcohol with her family from a young age. For her, the best way to ensure safe experimentation is to “dismantle the stigma around it earlier on when kids start to show interest in those things.”

Parents also have an important role to play in supporting consent culture, boundary setting and healthy risk-taking. Sam expresses how she wished that youth were taught how to express boundaries at home. “When young kids try to set a boundary with their parents, the parents still get to make the final decision for them.” Ruby adds that “starting young with boundary setting and practicing with people that you really trust and can speak openly with” can help youth strengthen their ability to set boundaries later in their lives.

Education can also support youth as they navigate healthy boundary setting and consent culture. Sam reflects that in elementary school, signs of aggression such as when “a boy pulled your hair” had the subtext of, “Oh, he likes you.” The early normalization of abusive behaviour affects young adults’ abilities to recognize their own boundaries later. For example, in high school, when young men were mean or disrespectful towards Sam, she had learned to interpret that as, “‘Oh, he's flirting with me.’”

Ruby adds that introducing consent with small children such as “not ripping another kid’s toy away”, makes setting boundaries and practicing consent “not as much of a foreign idea” because it is normalized early on. It will enable youth to have all the tools they need to practice consent in the more vulnerable aspects of their teen and adult life.

They both agreed that teaching consent, boundary setting, safe experimentation, and healthy risk-taking has a place in the curriculum from elementary school all the way to the end of high school.  

The three of us were lucky to receive guidance in these areas from The Pass It On program. Every Tuesday, we met with other high school-aged girls and our facilitator, Kate Nash, to support each other as we navigated the growing pains of high school. Sam expresses that “more schools should have a program like Pass It On because having a space that can offer support and insight is major.” In the circle, through vulnerable sharing and listening, we were able to explore where our own personal boundaries were and gained the confidence to express them. We also were able to benefit from the diversity of experiences that the group had in relation to partying and experimentation. Sam shares that, “Pass It On was the one place where I felt that the stigma of partying was broken.” Participating in Pass It On provided participants with “insight into what they might be interested in without having to try it unnecessarily.”

For Ruby, Pass It On helped her to learn how to listen. Pass It On featured “a diverse group of people with diverse experiences” which allowed her to gain insights into what partying, and experimentation was like, but also abstaining and sobriety, and how to navigate those choices. When she tried it herself later in high school, she was more aware of her own limits.

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Promoting Healthy Relationships at The Circle Education

Here at The Circle, all of our programs are built around the core principles of SEL (Social and Emotional Learning) to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social-emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students a wide range of benefits of social-emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, resolve conflict, and build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.
Learn more about our programs or contact us at info@thecircleeducation.org to see how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

Adele Mark is a fourth-year undergraduate student studying Sociology and Global Development Studies at the University of Victoria. She was involved in the Pass It On program in high school at Gulf Islands Secondary School and was hired as Marketing and Communications Assistant, a temporary student position in early 2021, at The Circle. Adele has been involved with several projects that focus on youth education and female empowerment and looks forward to continuing this work with The Circle Education.

The post The Growing Pains of High School: Navigating Party Culture on Salt Spring Island appeared first on The Circle Education.

Pass it On is an after-school cross-peer mentorship program that supports self-awareness and healthy relationships. Mia joined Pass it On in Middle School as a little buddy. “Her teacher had introduced the program to her, she joined a session, and when she came home she said ‘this is what I am going to do,” Kirsty looks back at that time. “I don’t think I’d heard of the program before, but when Mia explained what it was, I thought it was a great idea. It was just before Mia transitioned to high school, which is never easy, and her father and I’d just divorced. It was a difficult time for her.”

The little buddies and their mentors, girls in grades 11 and 12, met regularly after school. “Mia had a fantastic big buddy, Sophie. They got along really well. They hung out together and she took Mia out for hikes. It was really wonderful. I think that was a big part of why Mia stayed in the program until she graduated. She understood how important it was what Sophie had done for her and enjoyed being a mentor herself for younger girls.”

Pass it On was a safe space for Mia to talk about things that were happening in her life. “Mia and I have open conversations, but as much as we parents want to know it all, there are things that they just don’t want to talk about. So, I would say that a big part of the benefit of Pass it On, was actually Kate. She was a big person in Mia’s life during high school. I think we’re lucky if we hear about 70 percent of the things that are going on in our kids’ lives. It is pretty nice to have somebody, who is older and has some life experience, who gets the other 30 percent. Kate’s support was essential to Mia through her high school years. When there were issues that Mia couldn’t or wouldn’t discuss with me, she had Kate.”

During the Pass it On sessions, everyone gathers in a circle. In a circle, everyone is equal, able to look one another in the eye and listen fully. “Throughout high school, if Mia or her friends encountered harmful behaviors, The Pass it On circle provided a safe place for them to work through their feelings. If an incident had further-reaching repercussions, Kate and the Pass it On group provided space for venting, support, reconciliation and healing.”

Conversations in Pass it On include consent and healthy relations. “An awareness of consent, setting firm boundaries, curiosity, and self-inquiry regarding what a healthy relationship consists of, were all subjects that Pass it On raised. It is important to talk about consent. Not only about sex, but also other parts of your life.”

Mia graduated in 2021 and is now at Quest University in Squamish. While navigating life at university, she still benefits from the skills she learned while being in Pass it On. “Mia’s emotional maturity was aided by having a group like Pass it On,” Kirsty continues. She gives an example of Mia sitting with a group of friends at university, most of them male, and asking them: ‘Do you think that as a young male, you get enough physical affection in your day-to-day life?’ “How many 19-year-old think like that?” says Kirsty with a smile. “I think it is woven into her tapestry by Pass it On.”

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Promoting Healthy Relationships at The Circle

Here at The Circle, all of our programs are built around the core principles of SEL (Social and Emotional Learning) to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social-emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students a wide range of benefits of social-emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, resolve conflict, and build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.
Learn more about our programs or contact us at info@thecircleeducation.org to see how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

The post ‘It is Important to Talk about Consent’ appeared first on The Circle Education.

First, let me start by explaining in short what restorative justice is. Restorative justice is a process where those affected by a transgression come together to engage in a conversation about what happened, how it made each person feel, and how to move forward. It is less about punishment and more about listening, accountability, and healing.

This process initially began in the form of a letter. Almost 6 months after the assault, I wrote to my assaulter, describing how his actions had affected me and inviting him to enter into a dialogue with me for us both to heal. I recognized that the assault was not only his fault, but the result of a society structured by patriarchy that normalizes violence against women. It could be an opportunity for him to learn and heal from his actions too.

He responded to my letter, shocked. He didn’t understand that what he did was a sexual assault.

We agreed to speak by phone and the experience was life-changing. He listened to me with sensitivity and afterwards, apologized in tears. I heard his side of the story and gained empathy for his perspective. The exchange was real, heartfelt, and vulnerable. He showed up and humbly took accountability for his actions, a fundamental pillar of restorative justice. In that moment, over the phone, I told him that I forgave him. And it was in that same moment that I forgave myself. Through addressing my assaulter, I was transformed into an empowered survivor.

Restorative justice has many overlaps with the Pass it On Program from The Circle Education.  When I was in Pass it On, I gathered once a week in a circle with other high school girls and our facilitator, Kate, to engage in open and vulnerable dialogue about our life experiences. We learned to listen deeply and to respond without judgment.

Before joining the group, I was accustomed to other school spaces where it was uncommon to be honest with others about what I was going through. But in Pass It On, I felt safe to share about the parts of myself that I felt I needed to hide.

When I addressed my assaulter, I used the skills that I gained in the program and felt safe doing so. I realize that having such a conversation might not be possible for everyone. There is a whole range of experiences, and my story only represents one of them. I am lucky to have been able to find healing out of such a difficult situation.

Photo: Priscilla Du Preez/Unsplash

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Promoting Healthy Relationships at The Circle

Here at The Circle, all of our programs are built around the core principles of SEL (Social and Emotional Learning) to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social-emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students a wide range of benefits of social-emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, resolve conflict, and build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.
Learn more about our programs or contact us at info@thecircleeducation.org to see how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

The post Using Restorative Justice to Find Healing appeared first on The Circle Education.

After graduating Gulf Island Secondary School in 2018, Natasha was craving the meaningful and authentic connection that Pass It On brought to her life. After switching out of an unfulfilling music program to pursue a diploma in Criminal Justice Studies from Camosun College, she still found that “every conversation she had was surface level.” She wanted to find a space where she could have honest and vulnerable conversations with her peers just like she did in the Pass It On circle.

Eventually, she was able to find that in the Justice Studies program at Royal Roads University. This program dives deep into the realm of criminology and explores alternative perspectives on the criminal justice system including restorative justice practices.

Accountability

Restorative justice is rooted in indigenous values and practices. It was how indigenous communities traditionally responded to crime. “Restorative justice is less about punishment and more about listening, accountability, and healing,” Natasha explains. The process brings together the offender, the victims and community members to engage in a conversation about what happened, how it made each person feel, and how to move forward.

While the Justice Studies program was Natasha’s formal introduction to restorative justice, it wasn’t her first. “Restorative justice is really big on listening, accountability, intention and reducing harm and I feel like all of those values started for me in Pass It On.” Through her education in restorative justice, she now sees how much overlap it has with her experience in Pass It On. For example, Pass It On participants sit in a circle where everyone is equal and able to see one another in their vulnerability. “In restorative justice, circles are really big for the same reason.”

Listening to Learn

In the circle of Pass It On, Natasha had the opportunity to share and be heard, something she described as active listening. As a central concept of restorative justice, she explains that active listening is “listening to learn, not to respond.” It is human nature for us to want to relate to someone else through our own experiences. But when someone is listening to respond, they end up not really listening at all. Natasha remembers how in the Pass It On circle, the group would pause after someone shared, inviting a moment for each person to process what they had heard. This intentional practice resulted in a deeper understanding of the perspectives that were offered. 

“It changed the way that I talk to other people in my life,” Natasha reflects. “It has empowered me to engage in authentic communication in my relationships where I can be honest about what I need in that moment.”

Before Pass It On, Natasha experienced moments where “she let people walk all over her” and she “wished she had the skills to take her own space.” But in the circle, she was encouraged to be brave and share what was on her mind. Those moments, where she felt seen and heard, helped Natasha learn how to set those boundaries within her relationships. Natasha is “really grateful for her ability to have these conversations” because it has “made every part of her life stronger.”

Boundaries

Being able to set boundaries with others is an important social-emotional skill that relates to a key aspect of restorative justice practice, harm reduction. “It is so important for children to be exposed to these skills early on,” says Natasha. “When honest and meaningful conversation is encouraged, you start to feel less self-conscious about asking for what you actually need.” Natasha pauses and smiles, “I think how much I could have changed if I had actually spoken up for what I needed.”

It’s those intrapersonal and interpersonal skills such as self-awareness, emotional regulation and self-confidence that are “arguably more important than science and social studies” she shares. Although she wasn’t introduced to these skills early on, she has learned them now. “At the end of my degree, I will probably tell you that social-emotional learning is what I learned the most,” Natasha reflects. “These social-emotional skills are so important. That’s why they should be taught in school from kindergarten all the way to Grade 12.”

Photo's: Philipp Klein

Programs at The Circle Education

Check out all of the programs The Circle has to offer. Our programs are built around the core principles of SEL to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social–emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students the wide range of benefits of a social–emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, to resolve conflict, and to build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.

Learn more about our programs or request more information about how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

.

Adele Mark is a fourth-year undergraduate student studying Sociology and Global Development Studies at the University of Victoria. She was involved in the Pass It On program in high school at Gulf Islands Secondary School and was hired as Marketing and Communications Assistant, a temporary student position in early 2021, at The Circle. Adele has been involved with several projects that focus on youth education and female empowerment and looks forward to continuing this work with The Circle Education.

The post Natasha’s Journey from Pass It On to Restorative Justice Circles appeared first on The Circle Education.

Kate Nash was the first facilitator of Pass it on Girls (PIO) - an after-school program that supports self-awareness and healthy relationships by creating a safe and trusted space for sharing, learning and practicing important life skills - twelve years ago. She still runs the program every week during the school year, together with Kk Labis, for The Circle Education.

Thirty young women, now in their late teens, twenties, and begin-thirties, came back in June to join the circle once more. “As a mentor, you don’t often have the chance to see the effects of a program you’re facilitating, so seeing all these girls and hearing their stories was a great reminder of the power of the work we do. That evening I saw the impact that Pass it On had, and still has, on them.”

It was an evening of sharing; sharing memories, thoughts, and emotions. “This program has been so good for me”, says Olivia Hayne. “Kate really showed up for me when I joined the program eight years ago. High school was a challenging time for me, a period of uncharted growth. Pass it On was a safe space for me. A place where you can be your true self, that is super important.”

Former participants mentioned that being in Pass it On helped them build relationships, set healthy boundaries and value the importance of good friendships. “I didn’t know how important Pass it On was, until after the fact”, says Alli Gaines. “Pass it On gave everyone a chance to see that many people had similar problems and fears, so it helped to make high school problems feel less isolating. It also gave me important skills, around being vulnerable and listening to others, that I still carry with me today.”

Kate was touched by how many Pass it On participants remembered the things she shared and the advice and insights she gave them, sometimes many years ago. “It is such a gift to share a comradery with youth. I treasure the sharing and the connections we built together. A lot of the girls couldn’t wait to leave high school, to go out into the world, but now realize that they have missed being part of a community. Some even mentioned that they wished they could have a program like this in their adult life. It is so valuable to have spaces to connect.”

The Pass it On reunion re-inspired Kate in her work for The Circle Education. The past two years, navigating the pandemic, have been challenging for her. “It is hard to build connections in a time of disconnection, or even of fear of connection. I experienced a certain amount of fatigue facilitating safe connections in a time where connection has felt dangerous although, deeply needed. Seeing the fruits of people coming together and connecting with each other makes me hopeful for the coming years.” 

Our Pass it On programs have just wrapped up for this school year, but will start up in September again. Read more about the 2022-2023

programs here.

Thank You to our Pass it On Reunion Supporters

We would like to thank Country Grocer, Romy and Bryce Chapman at Stone Bridge Farm, Salt Spring Island Legion, Branch 92 and the Salt Spring Foundation for contributing to an amazing night!

The post You Are Worthy, You Are Valuable, You Are Seen… Pass it On appeared first on The Circle Education.

 Adele Mark: My first question for you is, what do you do and what is your connection to The Circle?

Gail Bryn-Jones: I am an elementary school teacher on Salt Spring Island. I’ve been teaching in the school system here since 1987. I have had The Circle’s programs in my classroom for the last 5 years now and I am also a member of The Circle’s board of directors. Before that, my most relevant history was with the Virtues Project. For those who are unfamiliar, the Virtues Project started with a family who wanted to be of service to the community. They compiled a list of 52 characteristics that describe what it is to be a good person, such as curiosity, assertiveness, determination. The hope was for families to teach one virtue a week for a year to their children to replace things like “nice girl” or “bad boy” with a better vocabulary of positive “virtues.” It’s expanded into classrooms, prisons, workplaces, churches, and all around first nations communities. I was involved in copy editing and proofing the original Virtues Project guide and I was very involved in facilitating workshops. Those are the two bits of my bio that relate particularly well to social-emotional learning and teaching.

AM: I am glad you mentioned that. For those who are new to social-emotional learning, could you explain what it is and why it’s important? What is your own personal connection to social-emotional learning?

GBJ: Social-emotional learning in the school context is where we address the children and their affective side. How they are feeling affects how they can learn and how they can participate. If you look at the two words social and emotional, there’s a lot that humans need to know about how to take care of themselves emotionally but also how to integrate with others emotionally.

GBJ: When you think about what contributes to students’ success, it’s just as much intellectual capability as it is their social confidence, respect for each other, and respect for themselves. How much we value ourselves is a direct contributor to how well we do out in the world. More and more, it seems like socialization rules that families could and should be teaching are not happening in some homes and so we have to make up for it at school. Finding ways for kids to feel good about themselves has always been the most important thing about my teaching job.

AM: It is interesting that you said that. I think that is something really special that a lot of teachers on Salt Spring give to their students. When I moved here in Grade 10, I was so surprised and humbled by how much the teachers were interested in how I was feeling outside of what they were teaching me.

GBJ: Absolutely. It’s taken a while for the curriculum to catch up to what teachers have known for a long time, and then it’s taken a while for a new generation of teachers to really give it time in the classroom. As teachers, we’ve always had to guard our time so that we don’t run out of time to teach math or reading. We often don’t want to bring in anything else, yet we have to look at how important social-emotional learning is. Kids have to feel good about themselves before they can really maximize their learning.

AM: Switching gears a little, I know that you raised children on the island. As a parent, what are the biggest challenges of rural living for youth that you have noticed, and how can social-emotional learning help with those challenges?

 GBJ: It’s interesting that you put it as a challenge. I think if you asked my children about being raised in this rural situation, I think that they would both say that there are very few things that they feel like they missed in their childhood. If anything, the one thing as a parent I feel that they miss is exposure to a diversity of people. We are fairly monocultural. Hang on a second. My 28-year-old child would like to add something.

Gail’s son, Arlo [from the background]: Yes, exactly! Oh, exactly that.

GBJ: He agrees that the lack of diversity is the shortfall of this community. In a way, I think that they had a very safe, almost gentle, place to grow up. That has contributed to them feeling like they can embrace the rest of the diversity that they didn’t necessarily get exposed to. When the kids were little, we could go to a community event and, if for some reason something happened and I needed to leave, there would be a dozen people at that event that I could say to, “Hey, could you take the kids?” That kind of security where there are community people caring for children, allowed them to develop their social understanding in a really safe way. For me, the good things outweigh the challenges.

AM: I would agree that my experience growing up on Salt Spring has been mostly positive. I always thought that my positive experience was because I already had lived in a big city, but I know that some of my friends really struggled with the isolation. So, many of them were ready to leave and not ever come back after graduation.

GBJ: Of course, that makes sense. When we grow up only knowing one certain way, we want to learn about other parts of the world. But our basic values don’t disappear just because we’re going to experience other things. The confidence-building that has happened in those first years on the island while also learning about their social-emotional well-being helps kids move on and find those new experiences. Otherwise, it is kind of a big scary world out there. It all traces back to that early social-emotional learning.

AM: My next question is, what tips would you give to parents to support social-emotional learning at home? What would you say to a parent who is struggling with homeschooling either full-time or when their child comes home from school?

GBJ: Often young parents, especially if they had any kind of strict or restrictive upbringing, tend to go too much in the opposite direction where they give a lot of freedoms to their children too early. I talk about the container that we hold our children in, and that even if it’s a small container, if the edges are well defined, if the boundaries are clear, kids feel cared about. If kids can push those boundaries without facing a consequence or being shown that their parents care, then how will they know how to be without their parents’ guidance? Having a small box with strong boundaries is better than having a large box where the boundaries shift. I see it all the time in the classroom where parents are not clear on what kind of structure they want to give their kids and so rather than leading they are following. Instead, if we try and anticipate the age stages of our children and at least keep up with them, if not lead, then you start to balance freedoms and responsibilities. That helps them build self-respect because we’re showing them respect. We need to show our kids at home that we believe they are capable of meeting a higher standard. Believing in them and showing them that respect with consistent boundaries helps eliminate a lot of the behaviour issues that come up in the classroom later on.

AM: Let’s talk about the Empathy Project, a program offered by The Circle for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social-emotional learning. As someone who has had the program in your classroom for the last several years, can you speak to some of the key takeaways from the curriculum?

GBJ: One of the highlights of this program is that it introduces a lot of language to the kids to show that somebody else cares about them. It encourages kids to care about each other, and it recognizes that it’s important for class time to be given to this work. It gives it a real central stage which elevates in kids’ minds the importance of social-emotional learning.

AM: Have you benefited from social-emotional learning in your own life?

GBJ: One of the reasons that I was attracted to the Virtues Project was because I was pregnant with my eldest. I didn’t know how I was going to compensate for some of the poor parenting styles I had experienced or seen, and so it really suited my heart-mind connection to have something meaningful in my life that speaks to the very core of our humanity. The Virtues Project gave me a platform from which I could parent that matched my values. When The Circle first introduced Peace Kids, now the Empathy Project, I saw it as a program with a similar mission — to bring that social-emotional language and hope to the kids. I immediately wanted it in my classroom. It fit with my values and how I work. Relationship with self and relationship with others is really the most important thing.

AM: What is the most challenging part about teaching social-emotional learning in the classroom?

GBJ: Mostly having to teach other stuff! I do see challenges at times when kids have so little experience with it that they freeze up. I feel that challenge when I haven’t been able to touch someone’s life or when I haven’t been able to bring somebody in. But, in terms of challenges [while] teaching, it’s my language. It’s my way of being, so I don’t feel challenged by it the way I feel challenged teaching history! History is interesting. I like it, but this stuff, social-emotional learning, is just how I roll.

AM: Can you speak to the lasting effects that receiving a social-emotional education has on a child?

GBJ: For kids who relate to the language, who relate to the learning, it’s an affirmation for them that they’ll just keep building on their whole lives. I’d say it’s necessary for everybody, whether they haven’t had it at home and they’re experiencing it for the first time or if they have had it before and they’re having further revelations — a sense of faith or hope that things are going to be okay. Social-emotional learning opens doors to something that is ongoing; it’s the human condition to always want to be better, like wanting to be more considerate or wanting to be more of service to others. Social-emotional education gives children lifelong tools to facilitate that learning and personal betterment.

AM: Thank you, Gail. I really appreciate you talking with me today. You’ve given me quite a few nuggets to think about.

GBJ: You’re very welcome. It’s been lovely to talk to you.

Supporting Rural Youth at The Circle

Check out all of the programs The Circle has to offer. Our programs are built around the core principles of SEL to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social–emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students the wide range of benefits of a social–emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, to resolve conflict, and to build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.

Learn more about our programs or request more information about how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

.

Adele Mark is a third-year undergraduate student studying Sociology and Global Development Studies at the University of Victoria. She was involved in the Pass It On program in high school at Gulf Islands Secondary School and was hired as Marketing and Communications Assistant, a temporary student position in early 2021, at The Circle. Adele has been involved with several projects that focus on youth education and female empowerment and looks forward to continuing this work with The Circle.

The post ‘Social-Emotional Learning Encourages Kids to Care about Each Other’ appeared first on The Circle Education.

I remember the day my parents told me about our move to Canada: I stayed up the entire night researching Salt Spring Island. I found that the nearest mall required a 35-minute ferry ride and not one, not two, but three busses! And they didn’t have UBER! This was not the freedom that I was used to in L.A.

I learned that there was no movie theatre with hourly showings, or carnival rides by the sea, nor a Starbucks to meet your friends at after school. This was not the excitement and entertainment I was used to.

I remember looking up census reports that said of the mere 10,000 people living on the island, only SIX were between the ages of 13 and 18. This was not the social life that I was used to.

At the time, I had no idea how little truth there was in these initial Google searches and how little these things would come to matter to me. My priorities were all turned around! Fifteen-year-old Adele would be shocked to hear that, as of today, I have spent many happy winter nights without power (that is, no internet, no stove, and no toilet). And that most of my free time is spent in the garden among the bugs, not in the mall. And that I hug more trees every day than people! Of course, the latter has more to do with the pandemic than the move, but little Adele would not have known about this either!

Still, I was pretty miserable about the whole thing. I managed to not talk to my parents for four whole months while living in the same house. Probably a record, right? Although, eventually, I knew I had to accept it. There was nothing I could do. By the next summer, we had sold our house and were headed to B.C.

The night before my first day of Grade 10 at Gulf Islands Secondary (GISS), I didn’t sleep a wink. In L.A., my high school had just over 4,000 kids; I couldn’t go a day without seeing at least 15 people that I had never seen before. GISS had just 600 kids. Six hundred kids that had grown up together in their tight-knit community. Six hundred kids whose moms were all friends. Six hundred kids who would pick me out of the crowd like a raisin in a handful of grapes. I was the outsider. The new kid. I thought I wouldn’t last a day.

I am sure that you have probably guessed it by now, but of course, most of my expectations turned out to be false. There were more than six kids my age. And fewer cougars, too, might I add. And that first day, for which I had changed my outfit six times, was totally lovely!

Instead of picking me out as an outsider from a land far away, the kids I met were intrigued by my different life experiences. They welcomed me into their friend groups and filled me in on everything I had missed. In my first week, one of my new friends brought me to an after-school discussion group called Pass It On that The Circle ran for girls (cis, trans, and nonbinary). I ended up being a member of that group for the next two years. Through that program, I made many new connections with others and developed the best parts of myself.

Some of my ridiculous assumptions, however, turned out to be true. There wasn’t a whole lot to do after school. The cafés all closed by 4 p.m. Most stores and restaurants were only open during the summer months during tourism season. If you wanted to go off-island to see a new movie or go shopping, you had to travel most of the day, waiting for the ferry or riding the bus — if you could get a ride to a bus stop — for only a few hours of fun. I quickly realized that the island was not set up for youth.

I learned to work with what I had. I started appreciating nature more because, oh boy, there was a lot of that! I swam in the lakes in the summer and watched the snowflakes fall in awe during my first real winters as an ex-Southern Californian girl.

Surprisingly enough, the lack of excitement and things to do didn’t bother me. I was able to find the positives of rural life because I had already experienced living in a big city. I often say that having Salt Spring sit on the other end of my seesaw, across from L.A., brought me to a perfect balance that I had been missing all my life.

I focussed more on my relationships. I noticed how my friendships became centered around conversation, connection, and vulnerability instead of going out to do something. I loved walking down the street and having ten different people connect with me, genuinely curious about what I was up to in my life and how I felt about it. I felt held by the community web.

I learned to value experiences over material wants, to appreciate the quietness of nature, and to be patient and satisfied with the slower pace of rural life. Now that I have moved to Victoria for school — which is no L.A. but does have more than one post office — I often wish I was back on Salt Spring because of these benefits.

I know that many of the youth who spend their entire lives on the island, or in other rural communities, have a different perspective. Most of them are itching to leave the moment they graduate. And many do not want to return for a while. They yearn for that exposure to the mysterious big world out there. They want to experience more diversity: of people, perspectives, and stories. They want to live somewhere where community spaces and activities are designed with youth in mind.

That is why social-emotional education is vital for rural youth. After joining Pass It On, I knew that every Tuesday night I would have somewhere to go. I knew there would be food for me. I knew that I would be exposed to other perspectives through sharing and vulnerability. I knew that I would have fun. I knew that I would be heard and valued. I knew that I would be able to speak and build confidence in my voice. These experiences and skills stuck with me when I left Salt Spring and had to remind myself of how to function in a city where there isn’t a community of people looking out for me everywhere I go. Countless rural youth don’t get to experience a life-changing opportunity like this. Some are lucky enough to receive something like it at home from parents or siblings: yet, many others do not. And nothing beats learning these things with other kids. We need that. I know I did.

Supporting Rural Youth at The Circle

Check out all of the programs The Circle has to offer. Our programs are built around the core principles of SEL to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social–emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students the wide range of benefits of a social–emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, to resolve conflict, and to build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.

Learn more about our programs or request more information about how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

.

Adele Mark is a third-year undergraduate student studying Sociology and Global Development Studies at the University of Victoria. She was involved in the Pass It On program in high school at Gulf Islands Secondary School and was hired as Marketing and Communications Assistant, a temporary student position in early 2021, at The Circle. Adele has been involved with several projects that focus on youth education and female empowerment and looks forward to continuing this work with The Circle.

The post From L.A. to a Rural Island: Social-Emotional Learning insights appeared first on The Circle Education.

What led you to start working as a facilitator with The Circle?

Before having kids, I worked at the YMCA in Victoria, where I did after-school care and one-on-one support for kids with disabilities. It really clicked. I knew I had to work with kids because really, I’m still a kid. I understand them. It just makes sense. When I got pregnant with my first child, I moved to Salt Spring and got connected with the Circle. At that point, they had run a pilot version of Pass It On and were looking for a facilitator to take on the first full year of the program. When I got interviewed for the position, Abby Sherwood was the youth that was on the hiring team. Many people applied, and they all had a lot more university experience than I did. But when it came down to asking Abby who she thought would be the best candidate, she told them that they had to pick me because I was the only candidate that young people would want to talk to. To this day, I thank Abby Sherwood because she made my career and my life, because this work is my life.

What gets you up in the morning? What does a typical Tuesday look like to you?

Coffee and obligation get me up in the morning. I hop out of bed quickly and make myself a delicious coffee with butter and cream to share with my husband, Kipp. I value that time with him every morning. Then, my kids have to get places and there are things to do around the property. After my morning routine, I get my head in the Pass It On game. By noon I’m sitting down to plan the session. Then, I usually have a lunch date or talk on the phone with a few Pass It On girls to check in with those that need it. I meet Indigo, our volunteer facilitator, at 2:30 pm and we have a deep check-in about where she’s at in her life and relating that back to the conversations we’re having in the circle. Indigo and I make tea for the girls. At 4:10 pm, we’re at the high school and everyone is arriving and getting their snacks. And then we get into it. We have our check-in, session activities and discussions, and we finish with the check-out. It’s a really rich, group conversation where we get to hear everybody’s thoughts.

Why is the work you do important?

I’ve never felt the importance of the program to such a degree as I have during this year with the pandemic. This year most of the girls in the group don’t have the opportunity to sit with their peers. They hunger for connection and communication. This program is also important because it gives young women a space to be vulnerable, connect and build trust with others and ultimately build self-confidence. Self-reflection in the circle helps you become aware of what you need, how to practice self-care and how to make amazing choices for yourself. With self-discovery and vulnerability is also how we combat violence and abuse. In that safe space, if somebody feels safe enough to speak of their bias or prejudice and they’re met with compassion, instead of with shame or anger, they’re going to change their mind.

Can you speak to the connection between Pass It On and social-emotional learning?

Social-emotional learning is about empowering youth with the tools to grow more confident, make safe choices and succeed in life. Pass It On does exactly that. I’ve never seen a young woman walk away from Pass It On and not have grown in confidence, the key ingredient to success. Through self-reflection, listening to others’ perspectives and sharing thoughtful conversation, participants get to know themselves and their needs better. They grow more confident in themselves which allows them to embark on educational challenges and life challenges with a sense of self-worth and ability. You learn to think to yourself, “Hey, I’m going do okay on this math test” or “I can say no to Hank when he’s pushing himself on me” or “I don’t have to smoke pot at lunch.” You learn to make choices that reflect how you really feel. The simplicity of a safe setting and the ease of sharing is life-changing. That’s why I think social-emotional learning should be integrated into all students’ day-to-day life.

How does the work you do for The Circle translate into your own life?

This work changed my life. It has made me see my worth and my skills. It makes me more accountable in my actions with my children. It makes me more honest in my relationship with my husband. It makes me more accountable to my community because I feel like I have something to offer. And I feel like I am an advocate for young people. And that feeds me because I don’t feel like young people have a voice or are really that respected in our society. Young people have what I call fresh knowledge. Hearing their perspectives has me constantly re-examining my perspectives. In issues relating to gender, sexuality, racism, and relationships, I’m constantly having to check my story. It’s a gift.

What is the most challenging part of your role?

The most challenging part is that people don’t place enough importance, support or funding on young people’s social-emotional well-being. We’re constantly begging for more funds to run programs. I haven’t yet run a program – and I’ve run a lot of programs – where participants didn’t leave wanting more, where teachers didn’t want it in their classrooms again and where the school didn’t love it. Everybody thinks is valuable. Everybody thinks it is really important. But who is going to pay? The second most challenging part is advocating for youth and their rights. People think youth are out in the world vandalizing and spreading COVID-19 when in reality there are so many amazing, respectful, kind and courteous young people in my community. In our rural setting, there’s a general lack of knowledge of youth needs and community support. They have nowhere to hang out at night. There aren’t any community centers or concerts or a downtown core to enjoy arts and culture or just simply spaces to hang out. And there isn’t reliable and safe public transportation to get them there. They are stuck. They go to the beach or the park and with little inspiration, they intoxicate. What do you expect from them? We’re not offering them anything else. And then we’re disappointed with their lack of effort when it is us who is not showing up for them. That is why there needs to be more recognition and knowledge of programs like ours, that not only give youth a space to hang out but also a space to use their voices and advocate for what is important to them.

What is the proudest moment you have had while working for The Circle?

Last year, I got to do the Respect Project all on my own. That was massive because that program’s always been run by two people. I delivered the program to all the Grade 8 classes at the middle school. Some of the students in these classes were generally pretty apathetic, stand-offish and disconnected from one another. But they liked me. And they listened. And they participated. They all talked to each other. At one point, we went around the circle and they all said one thing that they liked about each other. They weren’t divided anymore but united. Amazing moments like these make me realize that this program is impactful for both the keeners and the doubters.

A couple of years ago, you wrote a blog post for The Circle that said, “Confidence is built with experience, but it’s shaped by acceptance. When we feel safe enough to expose our weaknesses and vulnerabilities, and then we’re still accepted and even loved, our confidence grows and with it our level of care for ourselves and others.” Do you still feel the same way? How does Pass It On facilitate this process?

That sentence is the basis of my belief. Every time Pass It On meets, or every time I meet with youth, I think, ‘How can I make these young people feel comfortable enough to share openly and honestly with me, so that they can see their own worth.’ When I sit down with a new group, I have a set of agreements that I make with them and one of them is presence – I will always be present. I think my presence is the biggest gift I can offer. It means that I will hear anything that they say and that I will look them in the eyes, and I will offer them love. Presence and love are what will make us grow and step away from the negativity that interweaves in all of our lives.

Can you speak to the lasting effect that being involved in Pass It On, has on participants?

A lot of girls that graduate from the program don’t necessarily know what it gave them, nor do they see it. That’s the thing about mentorship, you don’t usually realize it’s happening when it does. But after over a decade of reconnecting with the young women that were in the program, I can see how the program has weaved into their lives through the life choices that they make, their strong communication skills and their level of confidence and belief in their self-worth. But not only do young women walk away believing in themselves, but they also walk away believing in other women. Pass It On offers a feeling of sisterhood to its participants. It reminds us that we can love, accept and be cheerleaders for each other even when our society pits us against other women.

Photo: Brette Little

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Promoting Healthy Relationships at The Circle

Here at The Circle, all of our programs are built around the core principles of SEL (Social and Emotional Learning) to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social-emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students a wide range of benefits of social-emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, resolve conflict, and build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.
Learn more about our programs or request more information about how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

.

Adele Mark is a third-year undergraduate student studying Sociology and Global Development Studies at the University of Victoria. She was involved in the Pass It On program in high school at Gulf Islands Secondary School and was hired as Marketing and Communications Assistant, a temporary student position in early 2021, at The Circle. Adele has been involved with several projects that focus on youth education and female empowerment and looks forward to continuing this work with The Circle.

The post ‘Social-Emotional Learning Is about Empowering Youth with Tools to Grow more Confident’ appeared first on The Circle Education.