Friendship Project (K-2)

I had the pleasure of working with the kindies and primary grades at Fulford Elementary and Salt Spring Elementary (SSE) this year. Delivering the Friendship Project with little kids is so fun, adorable, and inspiring. They have such real and immediate responses to the questions. Doing sessions with little kids about emotional literacy - the ability to identify, understand, label, and manage emotions while empathetically responding to the feelings of others - is very fulfilling because they are so good at it. Having them demonstrate all the ways they feel different things is pretty cute.

One boy stood out to me during these sessions. He laughed a lot, so we were guessing he was happy. But he explained that when he is upset or scared, he starts to laugh. That was a great reflection for a boy his age. Talking about emotional literacy and emotional awareness is as relevant for kids in kindergarten as it is for kids in Pass it On, some of whom are in grade 12. It never gets old. We always keep learning about the unique ways we express our emotions and respond to each other's emotions.

The Empathy Project (Grades 3-5)

The Empathy Project has one of the biggest reaches of our programs because it is delivered from Grade 3 up to Grade 5. The content shifts based on the emotional maturity of the group. I always think of classes as personalities. Some classes are very shy and some are more extroverted, or really silly, or they need to be more physical to get the content, or more reflective. At SSE, I was delivering this program in a class that was somewhat reluctant and defensive. The students were having a hard time connecting with the teacher and with one another. There was a lot of eyerolling, and kids didn’t want to work together. Until we played this game, where they had to hold hands and help each other up from a sitting position. One student stepped up, committing to helping everybody. The class went from not wanting to touch each other to really working together. I love it when there's a game that takes kids out of their assumptions and their preconceived notions of one another, so that they can fully focus on the task at hand and find a way to be united through that.

The Respect Project (Grades 6-8)

In the Respect Program, I did a session on friendship, and how we talk to each other and how we find a sense of respect for one another, as well as a sense of self-worth. In a Grade 7 class, we incorporated an activity with some scene work.  We talked about the conflicts that come up in friendships, and then they had to share back with us. We always give them options to relay their reflections. You can make a poem, a rap, a skit or a tableau. And usually I say: ‘or you can do an interpretive dance.’ Knowing that no Grade 7 class in the world would ever do that. But this time, every single group, except for one, did an interpretive dance about friendship conflict. They were joking, but also wholeheartedly and passionately dancing. And it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

The Trust Project (Grades 9-10)

I had great experiences delivering The Trust Project on Pender and Saturna Island this year, and I just said goodbye to the Grade 9 class at Pender Island School during their grad ceremony. That class was very diverse: kids from every island, kids with different personalities, characteristics, abilities and disabilities. Their acceptance of one another, their encouragement, and their willingness to listen and to be kind was profound. At the ceremony, I told them how radical that is. If they take that skill with them, they will have such great success. Often in this world, we attach a lot of status to people who make a lot of money or get high grades in school, but it is actually the act of kindness and connection that creates the relationships that will take us the farthest.  

Pass it on (Grades 9-12 after-school program)

It was a profound year for Pass it On because we had new facilitators in both our programs. In PIO Girls, we even had a volunteer and a facilitator who both had been in Pass it On. We had volunteers from the program before, but to have a past participant facilitate our program has been a long-time dream. The session I have the best memories of this year was the one that is called ‘words of affirmation’. It was a combined session of our girls and boys program, and we used the fishbowl technique where the boys went in the middle, and the girls sat in a circle outside of them and listened, and later switched positions. The checkout question was ‘I love you because’. They all told each other why they loved each other. I think it is radical when we can speak about the love we have without expectation or assumptions of what that means, without the idea that it is only related to romantic love. It was incredibly connective because they were demonstrating this deep vulnerability and care for one another, and saw that they were all capable of that.

Working with youth training (facilitator training)

We had two really engaged community trainings this year. These sessions are important because this way we create partners and friends within our community. And for them to apply our methods causes a big ripple. To be open and to be engaged in connection is fairly commonplace for the kids in our programs, but so unique in this world. I see that most when I work with adults. They are blown away by how much they desire connection and to be heard by each other, and how little they find that in their lives.

The Circle Educations provides usually two Working with Youth Training a year, one in the spring and one in the fall. Send us an email at info@thecircleeducation.org for more information.

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SWOVA started to focus on prevention and education in 1996. Birch joined the organization in 1999. Bringing his fifteen years of arts-informed social education, he worked alongside executive director Lynda Laushway, and co-facilitators, Kim Davidson and Ahava Shira (pictured with Robert Birch and Christina Antonick) to develop the first iteration of the Respectful Relationships Program for middle and high school students.

R&R was an in-school program that addressed gender-based violence. “Our approach was to do more than attempt to change an individual’s way of thinking. We knew we needed a structural approach if we were to address socially embedded, harmful norms toward encouraging youth, parents and educators to more actively participate in gender equality,” says Birch, who now works as a consultant and a writer on Salt Spring Island. “We wanted the program to have a more cultural influence.”

With the Respectful Relations Program, an award-winning model that eventually extended to other rural and remote communities in B.C. and other provinces, youth from grade 7 through grade 10 received 48 sessions of social-emotional programming in four years. “The Respectful Relationships Program was about understanding who we are within the context of social bias and how biases influence our behaviour towards others,” Birch continues.

“We began by looking at the nature of bullying, and by the end of those 48 sessions of sitting in a circle with two facilitators, students were able to identify patterns of healthy and unhealthy relationships, —understand how difficult, but necessary it is to leave one, and how to carefully support somebody who might be in one. One of the big indicators of the success of this program was that when young people felt safe in social learning models, the research revealed their scholastic outcomes also improved.”

Annually, students also spent two sessions in separate groups. “It created safety for girls and boys to speak their minds and hearts more freely. It wasn’t always easy, especially for the boys,” Birch remembers. “One question that almost always sparked meaningful conversations in the boys’ group was: ‘Who wants to be a father one day?’ Many said yes. They then shared what kind of father they wanted to be, who their role models were, and identified approaches to parenting they would rather not emulate. Often, this was the first time they had ever talked about this topic —exploring what it means to parent. It made them realize that boys and men can have values and roles that transcend gender; that they can choose how they show up in the world, what kind of family they want and what kind of relationships they will build.”

Birch was also involved with SWOVA’s Youth Team. The Youth Team consisted of bright, caring and socially engaged youth who came together once a week to participate in a deeper learning of the curriculum. “Eventually, they would join us in the younger classrooms as assistant facilitators. It was a critical part of the program's success to have older kids guiding their younger peers, as they were able to contextualize the learning through their own lived experiences. As an aside, it was also great for their resumés.”

Looking back, one of the highlights for Birch was the time when he was one of the provincial trainers for the Respectful Relationships Program in British Columbia. “Just seeing the light go on for many educators, the relief that they had finally found a program which the school system could benefit from. They were excited to bring R&R into their schools. Many teachers felt powerless around bullying. There wasn’t a strong educational framework at the time; while some schools had a no-tolerance policy on violence, most schools didn’t even have that as a baseline. R&R went right down to the roots of what education is and what it stands for: classroom cultures where every student is free to learn. It’s similar to being hungry, if you don’t feel seen and respected, it’s hard to focus.”

 While programs today may look different, the foundational work of Robert Birch and other early forerunners established core values, including safety, social-emotional competence, critical thinking, respect, equality, awareness of bias, and skills for healthy relationships, which remain strong in The Circle Education’s ongoing mission.

After his time with SWOVA, Birch built an international career as a facilitator and writer on sexuality and intimacy. His work for SWOVA in the schools was often challenging, but he remains convinced these social-emotional programs are vital. “Kids need a place to practice their innate intelligence, kindness, and care. These types of programs could make the difference between a life of connection or one of isolation, violence or even death. That sounds dramatic, but considering the times we are living in, it remains true.”

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Olivia Hayne joined Pass it On, an after-school cross-peer mentorship program, in high school, which is a challenging time for many teens. “I hung out with friends in school who were two years older than me, and some of them were in Pass it On. They’d told me how awesome and unique the program was, which sparked my interest,” says Olivia.  

She loved how Pass it On provided a safe space and a close-knit group of peers during a pivotal time in her life. “There is so much coming at you, and from so many different directions, in high school,” she continues. “You don’t know where you fit in yet, and you’re comparing yourself to others. In Pass it On, I was suddenly sitting down with a group of young women from different friend groups, backgrounds, experiences and lifestyles; realizing that we are all going through the same stuff and that we were more similar than we thought.”

Olivia sometimes looks back and wishes she had a group like Pass it On now that she’s an adult. “I long for that connection every once in a while. It would be great to have a group like that during poignant or transitional times in your life. It’s sometimes easier to discuss sensitive things with someone who is just one step removed from you. Someone familiar, but who is not going to give you the answer you want to hear. Hearing other people’s perspectives and views on how they handle a situation broadens your mindset. Like: ‘oh, I’ve never thought of it that way, but that makes a lot of sense’.”

A Pass it On reunion in 2022, where forty former Pass it On participants were reunited with each other and longtime facilitator Kate Nash, brought Olivia back to The Circle Education. “It was so nice to be reconnected with everyone; it was like no time had passed. It made me realize how much I missed the program. Seeing all these former participants in the same setting, and hearing stories about how Pass it On had impacted them, made it clear how incredibly special it is. It’s a program that needs to remain in our community. If I am lucky enough to have kids in the future, I want them to be part of it.”

And so, she reached out to Kate Nash, who connected her with executive director Janine Fernandes-Hayden. “She asked me if I would be interested in joining The Circle Education’s Board of Directors. I hadn’t thought of it, but said ‘Yes. Absolutely. If that is a way I can help facilitate this program to continue to run, to become bigger and broader and reach more kids, I’m in.”

As a former Pass it On participant, she hopes to make a difference on the board. “The highlights for me these past years are the fundraisers we’ve put on, as it is an opportunity to connect with the community and to show everyone what we do. I always like to tell people about the program and how important it was for me, and still is for youth on the island.”

Olivia stresses the importance of real connections. “Every student in high school has a phone to communicate with, but it is good to put those down and actually talk about topics that are important in your life. To be able to sit in a circle surrounded by human beings and to have real conversations, instead of texting or chatting, is so important.”  

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Natalya Alonso was just seventeen when she created a mentorship program in high school to support middle school students. It was the start of our Pass it On program that is going into its 16th year in September. 

Natalya conceived the idea of a mentorship program during her Grade 11 year. “It could be the end of Grade 10 as well”, she recalls, trying to remember the details as best as she can. “I have a younger brother who was in middle school at that time, and one of his friends attempted suicide. That was so shocking to me, and it got me thinking that kids in middle school could use some extra guidance and support.” 

For Natalya, middle school wasn’t a great experience. “Nothing absolutely terrible happened to me, but it was not a time in my life that I was thriving, and most of my friends felt the same. You are transitioning from being a child to a young adult and have to figure out who you are. There is so much going on in that stage of life, on top of the evergreen issues that teenagers often face, like bullying or harassment.”

People you can trust

She started thinking of ways to make middle school a little bit easier, and envisioned a mentorship program, where middle schoolers are paired with a high school student, as a helpful additional source of guidance and support. “It's so much better when you have someone looking out for you that you can trust and help get you through that time.” 

Natalya took her idea to the high school principal, who connected her with the middle school counsellor, and from there, the ball started rolling. She reached out to friends to recruit mentors, put up flyers, made announcements at school, and launched the first year with seven mentors paired with seven middle school buddies.

“It was pretty unstructured that first year, to be honest”, she looks back. “I think we just connected the mentors with the mentees, and we gave them a lot of freedom in terms of what they wanted to pursue in their relationship. We had a couple of meet-ups with the entire group, but we mostly let the mentors facilitate the relationship with their little buddy.” 

Natalya took her buddy out regularly for ice cream, or a walk around the park. “We would just hang out and chat about everyday life. I let her guide the conversation. I was the person she could discuss things with, if she wanted to. It was hard to see the impact at the time, but I think it was a good experience for both of us and we stayed in touch for quite some time after I graduated and left for university.” 

Summer student

After two years, The Circle Education (then known as SWOVA) took over the program. “I remember that I worked as a summer student for SWOVA, helping map out what the program could look like before I left.” After that summer, Natalya, who now lives in Vancouver, wasn’t involved with the program anymore. “It wasn’t hard for me to leave the program behind at that point. I felt it was in good hands, and I was ready for my new life and had a million things going on. I have to say that I didn't have lofty ambitions for the program when I left, but I was happy to hear that Pass it On is now well-established, with a program for boys as well, and that it is expanding to Victoria in the fall.”   

Natalya thinks that Pass it On is as relevant now – if not more so- when she started the program in 2007. “A lot of the problems middle school and high school kids have to deal with now are still the same, but there are also new challenges. When I was in high school, most kids didn’t have a mobile phone, and TikTok and Snapchat didn’t exist yet. Social media brings on a whole set of different challenges for young people. The internet seems to be posing more risks than ever, with predatory online communities targeting young people. Everything is much more polarized as well, so yes, these kinds of programs are still needed.”   

Help from friends

Natalya graduated in 2008 and left Salt Spring Island to attend business school at Queens University in Kingston, Ontario. After finishing her PhD at the University of British Columbia, she started working as a professor at the SFU Beedie School of Business, where her research is aimed at solving problems on the work floor, related to diversity, equity, and inclusion. 

Looking back at her time as a high school student and setting up a program to help younger kids to navigate school life, she is most proud of “the willingness of both the mentors and the mentees to come together and do this.” She adds, “It was really neat to see participants putting themselves out there in a vulnerable way. That is what stayed with me the most. This program is not there just because of me, other students thought the same way and wanted to support the initiative. Maybe it’s because Salt Spring is such a small island that we care about each other.”

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Teenagers crave and seek risks. It helps them to develop and grow. We often think of risk-taking as dangerous, but risk-taking is not always negative. Healthy risk-taking – like hiking up a mountain, riding a unicycle, or performing on stage – helps kids build confidence and strengthen leadership skills. We talked about these healthy risks and how you can encourage your kids to take those, with Dan Adair, an experienced scout leader with Scouts Canada, and James Cowan, circus and gymnastics coach on Salt Spring Island. 

When you were young, were you a risk-taker yourself?

James: “Yes, in some ways. But I always had a healthy sense of risk calculation already at a young age, so it was nothing too dare-devilly. It was all within the confinements of mountain biking, riding bikes and mountaineering. And I played in a rock and roll band for years which brought on different risks. Later on, I got into kayaking, but at the same time, I started kayak guiding, learning much more about risk calculation and safety instructions to keep my clients safe. I still use these skills. I am managing risks for multiple jobs.”

Dan: “I was into mountain and road biking, and skiing, and I played a lot of watersports when I was young. There were certain risks involved, but I was just having fun and I don’t think I ever looked at anything being risky. I definitely took more risks when I was in university. I did a little bit of skydiving and caving and when you do those things, the risk piece is forced on you. I didn’t do these activities because of the risks, I was just doing an activity.”  

What is the riskiest thing you did when you were young?

James (foto left): “Hands down the riskiest thing I did as a youth was driving. It was the early nineties in a small-town setting. They gave us our license a month after turning sixteen. I had no formal training, I didn’t have the skills, we had crappy old cars, and we put eleven people in it. It was not safe. We didn’t really know the inherent risks of driving and there were no crumple zones and airbags. I didn’t really see the risks then. When I took risks intently, it wasn’t anything major. It was snowboarding or skiing off small cliffs, nothing ever went wrong.”

Dan: “The one time in my life, and it still flashes before my eyes, when somebody, including myself, could have got hurt really, really badly, was also behind the wheel of a car. We were just goofing around, going too fast, racing each other. Did you ask me at the time if I thought it was risky what we did, I absolutely would have said no. The only reason that I am still here today, is that we didn’t encounter other cars. If I could go back, I would definitely do that differently.” 

What is the fun of taking risks?

Dan: “When I skied or was climbing mountains, I didn’t do it for the thrill, I didn’t think of the risks at all. I got hurt sometimes, but there were no permanent injuries. It was just fun.”   

James: “I like minor thrills and adventures and the fun and camaraderie that comes with mountain biking and mountaineering. I still have that desire for adventures, but to me, it doesn’t necessarily have to be risky, dangerous, or thrilling. It is just that some of the things that I like to do, have some of these aspects.”

How do you define healthy risks?

Dan: “Anything that can stretch you out of our comfort zone. The risk of injury isn’t a bad thing if it is all within reason. If you don’t want to cut yourself you should never use a knife. When we do activities with Scouts, there is always a certain degree of risk of injury, but that is life. You can’t always avoid accidents.”

James: “I see taking healthy risks as having done a thorough risk calculation and then put in enough safety measures and risk mitigation so if or when something goes wrong, as predicted or unforeseen, there is enough of a safety net or a plan in place. This way nobody will get to suffer physical or psychological harm. Small injuries can always happen, but we want to avoid big accidents. Kids seek out risks, they need them for their development. You’d better do it in a safe environment. In gymnastics and circus, kids will learn that there will be muscle strain, soreness and stiffness, but it is not a bad kind of pain. If you can work through it, you will get stronger and better.” 

Can you tell a little bit more about the healthy risks youth encounter in the program(s) you facilitate(d)?

Dan (in photo second from the right): “Scouts Canada has been building programs for youth for decades. They have an excellent idea of what level each age group is at, what kind of activities they need to be doing, and what the risks are. We mitigate risks, and there is a strict regiment, so if something goes wrong there is a safety plan in place. What do you do if you see a wild animal, what happens if there is a wildfire? We are extending risks all the way up from Beavers. We hike up mountains, make canoe trips, do caving and rafting, and kids learn about everything that has to do with camping; like fire building, chopping wood and cooking food. Providing kids with these life skills is an important part of our work.”   

James: “There are lots of healthy risks in our circus program for sure, but there are many safety measures in place. When we do aerial silk routines for example. Kids climb 24 feet up and hang from the ceiling, often on one hand, wrapping the silk around them. Until, at one point they are letting go, tumbling down from the ceiling, catching themselves before they hit the mat. There are all kinds of mitigations in place, from the ringing expectation to the equipment that we use, the mats on the floor, and the insurance we have. There is a lot of courage and strength required to be able to get to the top. The beginners practice much closer to the ground. We let them start on the mat, and they go up in steps. If we have to, we can rescue them mid-air, but it is very rare for someone to fall. In the eight years we’ve been doing this, we had only four minor incidents out of maybe 400 kids doing this routine. 

What do these healthy risks for kids?

James: “Especially in the circus program, it is life-changing when kids progress and develop skills they can either show, teach or aspire to. They see their peers and they want to be able to do what their peers are doing. That pushes them to want to take healthy risks. Taking healthy risks is about growing and developing. It is empowering.”

Dan: “I 100 percent agree with James. Before we go on a canoe trip, kids have to learn to roll in a fully loaded canoe. They have to learn that skill in a controlled environment before we take them out in the real world. I’ve seen kids grow and get more confident. I think these programs have a real impact on these children.”

What advice can you give to parents with kids who, maybe due to a lack of other outlets, seek their thrills in alcohol, drugs, and related dangerous behaviour?

Dan: Find a welcoming organization, like circus, or scouting, and take healthy risks and adventures. Do it with your kids, that is one of my takeaways. My kids and I were both involved in scouting, I love being involved in what they do and I have a very close relationship with them because of that.

James: Find a way to let them find out how to take healthy risks. Whether it be archery, ax throwing, mountain biking, scouts, or circus, there are myriad things they could do out there. Teach them about risk mitigation and risk calculation at a young age so ideally when they go through life and they are beginning to hang out with friends, they have a bit of that processing in their brains. And hopefully, they will carry some of that through their life in all situations.” 

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The December 6th Memorial was Quinn’s introduction to what happened in Montreal, and gender-based violence in general. “All the Pass it on Girls attended the memorial that year, it was super cold, and I remember there was a large turnout from the community. I did a bit of my own research and it definitely triggered my interest in gender equality and advocacy”, says Mulherin who is in her fourth year of the Women and Gender Studies program at UVIC.

Quinn joined Pass it On - a cross-peer group mentorship program with the purpose of supporting self-awareness and skills for healthy relationships - when she was in middle school. “My friends joined and I decided to come with them. As a ‘little buddy’, it prepared me for my life in high school, and as a ‘mentor’ it was my goal to provide support to younger girls who were new in high school, in and outside the program. I became friends with people who I would normally never have befriended. It was a safe space where you could talk about friendships, healthy relationships, boundaries and consent. These conversations gave me insights that nudged me in the direction of Women and Gender Studies.” 

She graduated in 2020 amid the pandemic and wasn’t entirely sure if she wanted to go to university.  “On a whim, I decided to apply for one program, Women and Gender Studies, and I got in. I am in my fourth year now, and I can say that I made the right choice. Gender equality tends to relate to a lot of other intersectional global issues, like human rights, economics and housing problems. A lot of women still fall through the cracks. That is probably why this course of study stuck with me”, says Quinn who’s also majoring in sociology.     

Nearly 35 years have passed since the École Polytechnique massacre, and gender-based violence continues to be a real and horrific issue in the world, in Canada, and in our own community. “There has been a lot of progress over the years, but there is still so much work to be done. I think that toxic masculinity, and certain traditional cultural masculine norms, are a big reason for problematic behaviour towards women. Men are often defined by outdated and unfounded stereotypes, and are trying to measure up to them, ultimately harming themselves and others in the process.”

The big question is, what can we, and particularly young people, do to stop gender-based violence in the future? “We can start by talking about it, men and women alike. Talk with peers about their experiences. Try to step in their shoes. Do your research. Join groups like Pass it On, there are girls’ and boys’ programs, where you can safely talk about vulnerable topics. Participate in advocacy and stand up for what you believe in. I take every opportunity I can to talk to someone when I hear about persistent stereotypes, for example. People are not always happy about that, some are surprised or embarrassed, but that won’t stop me because there are also people who are understanding and willing to change the way they think. That makes it all worth it.”

And what can you do when you experience or suspect gender-based violence? “Trust your gut when you think that you or someone else, are in an unsafe situation or unsafe relationship. Talk to friends, family, a teacher. It will be hard and uncomfortable, but you have to do it as soon as possible. If we speak up, we can try to change things. I don’t think gender-based violence will ever completely stop, so we have to keep advocating for ourselves and others.”

* Quinn uses both pronouns ‘she’ and ‘they’, which means both can be used interchangeably. For the flow and readability of this story, we have used ‘she’.

December 6th Memorial Centennial Park

IWAV and The Circle Education are hosting the annual December 6th Vigil, in memorial and solidarity of the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women in Canada, on Wednesday, December 6 in Centennial Park.

Salt Spring islanders are invited to gather at 5 pm in Centennial Park for the December 6th Memorial (Wednesday, December 6th), to remember and commit to violence-free communities.

The post Never too Young to Remember December 6 appeared first on The Circle Education.

Take my mask off

The thing that maybe stuck on the most for me, was that I was able to take my mask off. I was a bit shy and reserved when I joined Pass it On, but through the program, I learned to show more of myself. I felt that my perspective was valued and it helped me to take that out of the circle and into my normal life as well. It also made me realize that I don’t have to change myself for people trying to fit in. I definitely grew more confident.

Look beyond assumptions

We talk a lot about assumptions in Pass it On. I learned to look beyond those assumptions and social boundaries. By doing that, I was able to meet new people outside the boxes that we put around them. It became easier to connect with people that don't have the same interests as me and that was big for me as well.

Set boundaries

Before I joined Pass it On it was hard for me to set boundaries. During my middle school and early high school years, I let people treat me in a way that wasn’t kind and I felt that I just had to deal with that.  Through the circle and the older mentors I had in the group, I think I am pretty good now at setting boundaries. Maybe this person doesn’t need to be in my life, or I shouldn’t let them influence my life. I got a bit tougher.

Be a better listener

I’ve definitely learned to be a better listener, an active listener. Not thinking about what you’re going say while someone else is talking, but just listening. It is not always about yourself, so try to listen instead of giving your opinion or advice.

Navigate difficult things

Because of the program, I became better at navigating difficult things. If you can mention things, you can manage them better. You can learn from others to do things differently and seeing other people going through the same things made it easier to handle stress and anxiety.

The post Five Things I Learned in Pass it On appeared first on The Circle Education.

Grade 11 students of the Gulf Island Secondary School are attending a P.A.R.T.Y. this week. No, it is not what you think, this is a different party. This party is to Prevent Alcohol and Risk-related Trauma in Youth. It’s about raising awareness and learning through vivid and emotional experiences; from real people and their very real stories. In light of this, The Circle Education, who sponsors the program at GISS, sat down with Olivia Hayne (25), who lost her younger brother Alistair in a shooting accident in the fall of 2017.

Growing up on a small island can be idyllic, especially for young kids. The downside is that small communities lack entertainment that bigger cities have plenty: a shopping mall, cinemas, bowling halls, all places where youth can harmlessly hang out with their friends. On a small island, you have to entertain yourself and that can lead to a culture where parties sometimes turn into events with (lots of) alcohol involved.

Alcohol and teenage brains, it is for a number of reasons, not a great combination. Olivia Hayne is someone who knows that firsthand. She lost her brother Alistair due to a tragic accident in the fall of 2017 while hanging out with friends. She lived and saw the devastating grief his death caused her and her family, his wide circle of friends, students at GISS, and the community.

By sharing her story, she wants to raise awareness around the party culture on Salt Spring Island and encourage parents to have frank conversations with their kids about the risks of alcohol. “I think it is important not to fear youth out of having these challenging conversations. We must remain open to their curiosities and questions without making them feel like they are "bad" or that they feel like they need to experiment in the dark without being able to ask the much-needed questions.”

Alistair (16) was Olivia’s younger brother by four years. When she was young, she treated him like her favourite toy doll, dragging him around on one arm and giving him endless makeovers. They went through different phases together, but when they both grew older, the time they were annoyed by each other like siblings often are, passed. “In our teenage years, when we were both in high school, the gap between us started to merge. We were into the same things and our circle of friends started to mix.”

Olivia describes Alistair as a firecracker. “He was a bit of a hopper, he had different friend groups and managed to navigate them all at once. We were quite different. I am steady and like routines. Alistair was the opposite. He was always seeking adventure, had a lot of energy and never slowed down. He lived fast, like he knew he didn’t have much time.”  

The accident that took Alistair’s life, happened at a friend’s house. “He was involved in an accidental, non-malicious accident with a firearm, in a small gathering with friends. Although I am unable to divulge too many details, my understanding is that his friends had been having fun shooting cans in the backyard and were just about to put the gun away when it accidentally discharged. It was an unfortunate combination of alcohol, a lack of consequential thinking and bad timing that led to this catastrophic situation; a recipe for disaster.”

Alistair was medivaced off the island to Children’s Hospital in Victoria in the middle of the night. Olivia and her parents were notified by the police in the early morning. The family had been told that Alistair was shot, but other than that, they had no information. “When we pulled out of Fulford harbour the sun came up. I was in a fragile state of mind, but it was the most beautiful sunrise I’d ever seen. I remember it vividly. I also remember that I was on the phone with a friend to tell her what happened, telling her that I didn’t think we would come home with Alistair. I just had a sense.”

Once in the hospital, she knew she was right. “Alistair was still warm but kept alive by machines. His body was there, but his spirit was gone. The doctors were very emphatic in relaying the message, but they almost immediately told us what the outcome would be. I worried that being on a small island, where you have to wait a while for an ambulance and a helicopter, would have had a negative effect. I played all the scenarios in my head, but they were very clear; even if it had happened on the doorstep of the hospital, there was no way that he could have survived this.”

Although Olivia and her parents never had a conversation about organ donation, they knew immediately that it was the right thing to do when the doctors brought it up. “He was a minor, so we could make the decision. In the end, Alistair donated his liver, two kidneys, his lungs and heart, to five different individuals and changed their lives for the better. At that moment it felt that that was what we needed to do. In hindsight, so many amazing things came out of it. I actually don’t know where my family and I would have been, in terms of our grieving, if we had decided otherwise.”

In the days that followed, the doctors ran rigorous tests to make sure that his organs were of enough quality to transplant. In those days his friends came to the hospital to say goodbye. “There were only two people at a time allowed in his room, but the staff was incredible. Already that first day, friends showed up and on his last day of him being on life support, they just opened the doors and so many kids gathered in his room. It was important for them to be able to say goodbye to him.”   

Almost five years later, Olivia is used to speaking publicly about her brother and what happened to him, as an ambassador for BC Transplant. “The more you do it, the easier it becomes to talk about what happened”, she says. “I always feel a bit emotionally heavy when I do, but I think it is important to talk about organ donation, as well as talking about kids, alcohol and risk-taking. Young people often think that they are untouchable. And most of the time you can get away scathe free. Until one time you are not and that can be catastrophic.  I would like to say to young kids, that you should not fear to stand up to friends if you think something is not safe. I hope they have the ability to recognize when something is not right. If someone has been drinking all night, would it be wise to get into a car with them? You have to be able to make that decision for yourself and recognize the risks involved. Especially when you live on a small island where busses don’t run late and cabs are not lined up to take you home.”

For Olivia, the passing of her brother changed her life forever. “It flipped everything completely upside down. How hard I try, I will never be the same person I was before. What was really hard for me, was watching my parents and his friends grieve. This one incident caused so much pain and grief for everybody involved, including the boy who was holding the gun. This has completely altered his life as well. One decision in one small moment can affect your entire course of life.” 

She is sad about what happened to her brother, but she is not resentful. “I would do anything if I could just bring him back, but I can’t change what happened. I accepted it and try to live my life for both of us. I now carry some of his life voraciousness and carefreeness. He was very authentic, super nonjudgmental and he really didn’t care what people thought of him. I try to embody that a little bit. I move forward and try to live my life to its fullest. I would be doing a disservice to him if I didn’t continue my life to its full potential.”

The post Olivia Hayne: ‘Young People Often Think They’re Untouchable’ appeared first on The Circle Education.

Adele Mark arrived as a newcomer in this community at age 15. She had never been to a high school party before, but it didn’t take long for that to change. For this blog she sat down with Ruby and Sam, two recent graduates of Gulf Island Secondary School to hear their perspectives on the role of boundary setting, parental guidance, and consent education on youths’ ability to experiment safely. We changed the names of the people in this story to protect their anonymity.

Throughout high school, there was a house party every weekend, where it was common for 14-year-old kids from Grade 9 to attend alongside 19- or 20-year-olds who had recently graduated. These large age gaps combined with excessive underage drinking and drug use and limited transportation services often left me feeling unsafe while attending parties.

While talking with Ruby and Sam, we began by comparing our introductions to the party scene at our high school. As a novel new kid, I was ushered into party culture almost immediately after starting Grade 10. I happened to befriend kids who were active partygoers, so it was natural for me to come along with them to parties. I saw my inclusion in this group as an opportunity to meet new friends and learn about my new home.

Conversely, Ruby didn’t start partying until her Grade 12 year. Throughout high school, she was on the rowing team which kept her and her friends really busy. She says, “We were all really Type A and didn't want to do that kind of stuff.” Eventually, she started to experiment in Grade 12 when her friend group shifted, and her new friends were beginning to experiment with alcohol.

Sam began experimentation at a much younger age. She shares, “Partying was normalized, mostly because we had older siblings that were already doing it.” As a rural town with limited social opportunities, Salt Spring youth often befriend individuals in higher grades, or even those outside of high school. “I remember from Grade 7 on, I had friends that were 18 to 20 years old,” Sam looks back. “The presence of older people in my life was always prominent.” These friends introduced her to drugs and alcohol at an early age. In some ways, these relationships made her feel safe because “there were specific people that were looking out for me at parties.” However, in other ways, she felt that the older males around her had “this belief that being older gave them a power stance,” which resulted in her boundaries being crossed.

We discussed how party culture was inseparable from hook-up culture. “You go to a party to hook up,” shares Sam. “It’s more likely that you would hook up while being intoxicated, rather than sober.” Boundary lines start to get blurry when alcohol is involved. Ruby: “I've had some experiences where I was intoxicated, but the other person, a friend, wasn't.” She goes on to describe, “Sleeping in the same bed as someone and having them grind on you in your sleep is uncomfortable. It's kind of a boundary-crossing. When I was in high school, this happened to me more than once. I thought I was falling asleep next to a friend, but to them, it was an opportunity to initiate a hook-up.”

Sam explains that this sort of behaviour is common. “There's a larger majority of people that will spend the night after a party because the taxi services are not the safest to catch if you're intoxicated.” There is a lot more room for boundary-crossing when everyone spends the night. She continued to say: “You may think that you're just sleeping next to a friend and you're in a safe space, but sometimes that space is violated.” She shared that it is difficult to know how to address what happened afterwards “because they're your friend and you are drunk; You just accept that it will happen.” Ruby adds that setting boundaries is “not an easy thing to do, because we don’t want to disappoint another person, especially if they are a friend.” This is especially true for women, who, “don't want to stir the pot.” These experiences demonstrated to Sam “what alcohol can do to your inhibitions and the ways that it can open you up and make you more susceptible to having your boundaries crossed.”

Exposure to drugs and alcohol when paired with a lack of education on the risks of these activities creates unsafe situations. “If you don't really know your limits, you test them more often,” Sam expresses. "At parties, the goal was often to get “as obliterated as possible.” Sam noticed people being “really careless with themselves.” While the party environment encourages unrestricted, and sometimes unsafe experimentation, smaller chaperoned spaces can offer youth a controlled environment where they can learn about their limits safely. Ruby shares how she talked about drugs, sex and alcohol with her family from a young age. For her, the best way to ensure safe experimentation is to “dismantle the stigma around it earlier on when kids start to show interest in those things.”

Parents also have an important role to play in supporting consent culture, boundary setting and healthy risk-taking. Sam expresses how she wished that youth were taught how to express boundaries at home. “When young kids try to set a boundary with their parents, the parents still get to make the final decision for them.” Ruby adds that “starting young with boundary setting and practicing with people that you really trust and can speak openly with” can help youth strengthen their ability to set boundaries later in their lives.

Education can also support youth as they navigate healthy boundary setting and consent culture. Sam reflects that in elementary school, signs of aggression such as when “a boy pulled your hair” had the subtext of, “Oh, he likes you.” The early normalization of abusive behaviour affects young adults’ abilities to recognize their own boundaries later. For example, in high school, when young men were mean or disrespectful towards Sam, she had learned to interpret that as, “‘Oh, he's flirting with me.’”

Ruby adds that introducing consent with small children such as “not ripping another kid’s toy away”, makes setting boundaries and practicing consent “not as much of a foreign idea” because it is normalized early on. It will enable youth to have all the tools they need to practice consent in the more vulnerable aspects of their teen and adult life.

They both agreed that teaching consent, boundary setting, safe experimentation, and healthy risk-taking has a place in the curriculum from elementary school all the way to the end of high school.  

The three of us were lucky to receive guidance in these areas from The Pass It On program. Every Tuesday, we met with other high school-aged girls and our facilitator, Kate Nash, to support each other as we navigated the growing pains of high school. Sam expresses that “more schools should have a program like Pass It On because having a space that can offer support and insight is major.” In the circle, through vulnerable sharing and listening, we were able to explore where our own personal boundaries were and gained the confidence to express them. We also were able to benefit from the diversity of experiences that the group had in relation to partying and experimentation. Sam shares that, “Pass It On was the one place where I felt that the stigma of partying was broken.” Participating in Pass It On provided participants with “insight into what they might be interested in without having to try it unnecessarily.”

For Ruby, Pass It On helped her to learn how to listen. Pass It On featured “a diverse group of people with diverse experiences” which allowed her to gain insights into what partying, and experimentation was like, but also abstaining and sobriety, and how to navigate those choices. When she tried it herself later in high school, she was more aware of her own limits.

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Promoting Healthy Relationships at The Circle Education

Here at The Circle, all of our programs are built around the core principles of SEL (Social and Emotional Learning) to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social-emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students a wide range of benefits of social-emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, resolve conflict, and build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.
Learn more about our programs or contact us at info@thecircleeducation.org to see how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

Adele Mark is a fourth-year undergraduate student studying Sociology and Global Development Studies at the University of Victoria. She was involved in the Pass It On program in high school at Gulf Islands Secondary School and was hired as Marketing and Communications Assistant, a temporary student position in early 2021, at The Circle. Adele has been involved with several projects that focus on youth education and female empowerment and looks forward to continuing this work with The Circle Education.

The post The Growing Pains of High School: Navigating Party Culture on Salt Spring Island appeared first on The Circle Education.

Pass it On is an after-school cross-peer mentorship program that supports self-awareness and healthy relationships. Mia joined Pass it On in Middle School as a little buddy. “Her teacher had introduced the program to her, she joined a session, and when she came home she said ‘this is what I am going to do,” Kirsty looks back at that time. “I don’t think I’d heard of the program before, but when Mia explained what it was, I thought it was a great idea. It was just before Mia transitioned to high school, which is never easy, and her father and I’d just divorced. It was a difficult time for her.”

The little buddies and their mentors, girls in grades 11 and 12, met regularly after school. “Mia had a fantastic big buddy, Sophie. They got along really well. They hung out together and she took Mia out for hikes. It was really wonderful. I think that was a big part of why Mia stayed in the program until she graduated. She understood how important it was what Sophie had done for her and enjoyed being a mentor herself for younger girls.”

Pass it On was a safe space for Mia to talk about things that were happening in her life. “Mia and I have open conversations, but as much as we parents want to know it all, there are things that they just don’t want to talk about. So, I would say that a big part of the benefit of Pass it On, was actually Kate. She was a big person in Mia’s life during high school. I think we’re lucky if we hear about 70 percent of the things that are going on in our kids’ lives. It is pretty nice to have somebody, who is older and has some life experience, who gets the other 30 percent. Kate’s support was essential to Mia through her high school years. When there were issues that Mia couldn’t or wouldn’t discuss with me, she had Kate.”

During the Pass it On sessions, everyone gathers in a circle. In a circle, everyone is equal, able to look one another in the eye and listen fully. “Throughout high school, if Mia or her friends encountered harmful behaviors, The Pass it On circle provided a safe place for them to work through their feelings. If an incident had further-reaching repercussions, Kate and the Pass it On group provided space for venting, support, reconciliation and healing.”

Conversations in Pass it On include consent and healthy relations. “An awareness of consent, setting firm boundaries, curiosity, and self-inquiry regarding what a healthy relationship consists of, were all subjects that Pass it On raised. It is important to talk about consent. Not only about sex, but also other parts of your life.”

Mia graduated in 2021 and is now at Quest University in Squamish. While navigating life at university, she still benefits from the skills she learned while being in Pass it On. “Mia’s emotional maturity was aided by having a group like Pass it On,” Kirsty continues. She gives an example of Mia sitting with a group of friends at university, most of them male, and asking them: ‘Do you think that as a young male, you get enough physical affection in your day-to-day life?’ “How many 19-year-old think like that?” says Kirsty with a smile. “I think it is woven into her tapestry by Pass it On.”

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Promoting Healthy Relationships at The Circle

Here at The Circle, all of our programs are built around the core principles of SEL (Social and Emotional Learning) to work towards safer communities.

• We offer the Empathy Project for Grade 3, 4, and 5 students to provide them with the building blocks of social-emotional learning.
• For Grades 6, 7, and 8, the Respect Project offers students the opportunity to get to know one another better and learn about the foundational role respect plays in their lives.
• The Pass It On program is an after-school, cross-peer group mentorship program with intermediate students (as buddies) and high school students (as mentors). Its goal is to foster capacity for healthy relationships and support life transitions.

Our programs have successfully offered students a wide range of benefits of social-emotional education. After attending our programming, students have expressed a greater capacity to feel empathy for others, resolve conflict, and build equal and healthy relationships. Teachers observe students using their new skills in the classroom, and they request our programs year after year.
Learn more about our programs or contact us at info@thecircleeducation.org to see how you can bring our programs to your classroom or organization.

The post ‘It is Important to Talk about Consent’ appeared first on The Circle Education.